The 13th Day

Hey gang! Welcome to my life - where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I'm the Rev. Matt and I'll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia. Welcome to my Life is a project, an experiment in life and ART. A living storyboard, if you will. It's premise is that life is experiential and that you can, and do, experience the life you choose. It is based on the use of The Wheel of Life and the ARTs for the New Millennium as life building tools.

Welcome to my Life is an I TV Studios/Geist...House production, in association with The Center for Creative Inspirationalism. Justus Productions, the parent company, would like to give a 'Shout-Out' to a butt load of people for their ongoing, and oft times unknowing, inspiration and support.

It is Sunday, March 20, 2016. Time...Diverted.

I've been away for some time. So often, I thought of getting to the keyboard and typing away. But, life was on it's on course. Recently, I was away from more than just the Blog. I sort of took a step back from everything. This started with Facebook. I was finding that more and more everyday my Facebook experience was frustrating me, upsetting me, putting me in a place I didn't like.

People were frustrating me...and it's my own fault for engaging them in the first place. I don't know why I did either. I realize that as people we are all very opinionated and fairly sure of ourselves. We live in a world of Right and Wrong - this side or that...black and white.

So much going on in the country, in the world, these days. Here on the home front it is an election year. This always seems to bring out the absolute "best" in people. Everyone promotes their candidate and degrades all the others. They preach their political beliefs and downplay the validity of all other viewpoints. This is a constant thing. Whatever issue is top in the news is what people proclaim or protest - depending on which side of the line they are standing. But in an election year it is multiplied. Every issue becomes the issue and common sense seems to go right out the window. Everyone gets mean and abusive. It starts with the politicians, then moves to the "news" channels where it trickles down into the populace until we truly are a nation divided.

This year it seems to be worse than I can ever recall. This is an election that will go down in the history books. The country is in a delicate place and has been for quite some time. There's so much going on, so much that is wrong. It has been playing on the minds and emotions of the American people for over a decade. We seem to have reached a point in history when we are so sensitive. We're so quick to call "foul" and point fingers of blame and accusation. We have created a society that appears to only be focused on "me." Everyone wants the "take," but no one is interested in the "give."

And, in the world, there is terror. There is a threat that will either be defeated or it will take over the world. Either way, there will be great chaos and destruction until it is all over. I don't know what the right term is for them. Are they terrorists? Radical Muslims? Whatever they are, they are dangerous.

But, defining them seems to be part of the overall problem being created. All over, at least one particular news channel, the words "Radical Islamists" have been getting tossed around. It's true, the majority of the members of these groups are Muslims...and they are extreme in their beliefs. But, is extreme really the word? Though I don't agree with any of it, the fact of the matter is - they believe. They actually live their beliefs, as horrible as some of them may be. I believe it's true that they are picking and choosing passages, misconstruing the moment and the message, to serve their own purposes. Melding and molding the masses as they move forward.

This is nothing different than anything Christianity has done for centuries as well. It seems to me that everyone does it. Passages are chosen, without the context they were originally written in, and put forth as a truth of some kind or another. But without the context of the moment, the passages around the selected one, they are just words. Words that can be bent and shaped to mean anything, or prove any point. Without the history and the culture that is influencing, and capturing, the moment they are just stories to be told with whatever moral we may wish.

But, I have noticed a trend in people to automatically associate Islam with terror. All Muslims are terrorists. All Muslims are dangerous. All Muslims should be removed from and refused into this country.

It's 1942 all over again.

If it is fair to believe that, based on the actions of extreme and radical fundamentalism in some, all Muslims are terrorists, then it would be just as fair for me to believe that all Christians are assholes. Or, that all Pagans/wiccans/witches are flighty fruit-loops.

Neither of those statements is true (and how many Christians or Pagans will be offended that I could even suggest a thing?) So, why is it ok to assume that all Muslims are terrorists? 

I've done a brief and cursory look into Islam. The Q'uran is very difficult for me to follow. But then, so is the Bible. The languages are so very different - not just the words that are used but how they are used. It was a different flow. Meanings were different. Plus, so much of it all is more parable than pure truth. The one or two things I picked up were translations for the words Islam and Muslim. I do not have them readily handy so I can not quote them directly. However, I can remember the gist of it all. Which one is which, I can not tell you but between the two of them the notion is simple. Allah is all there is. The only purpose is devotion to Allah.

I have no problem with that. I think it's a fantastic notion. One, that Christians should practice as well. God is all there is. The only purpose is devotion to God. Remember, Allah is the word for (or name of) God. It's mere translation. For me it would be, "Spirit is all there is. The only purpose is devotion to Spirit."

So, the internet, in particularly Facebook, is currently flooded with messages of hate - political, religious and otherwise. Usually, I can roll my eyes and chuckle it off. But it has been getting so bad. I became curious. I started researching some of the things I was seeing posted. I found more and more that what was being posted was only a smidgen of the fuller scope of information. It was being isolated and tainted with purpose....and I engaged. Frustration had gotten the better of me and I started commenting and debating and arguing.  I even went as far as to have a heated (very heated) debate over PEDMAS. You know, the apparent, mathematical "rule" -

P(arentheses)

E(xponents)

D(ivision)

M(ultiplication)

A(ddition)

S(ubtraction)

I remember parentheses. The rest of this I do not remember ever coming across. Though there were plenty of people telling me I did. I came across an equation and shared it, questioning the answer people were coming up with. They were correct. They were using PEDMAS. I was not. The moment someone explained it to me, I declared, "Phooey!!"

I denounced it and this sent the Facebook community, or my little circle of it, into a tizzy. People would tell me that is just how it is and to that I would say, "Bah! Bah, it is nonsense and ridiculousness." One person even called our 7th grade math teacher into the conversation for reinforcement. I BAH-ed him as well. I said then, and still agree now, it is things like this that have us in a society that can't give change without a calculator. It asks the brain to function differently, to read, process and interpret in a way to which it is not accustomed. To me, it is as ridiculous as saying, "Read this sentence, but if there are prepositions you must read those first, then onto the participles, pronouns, verbs, adjectives and nouns...in that order." The brain reads in one direction. Of course, in which direction may be different. Some of us read left to right. Some right to left. I believe there may still be cultures that read up to down. I'm just sayin.

And, I was 'just sayin' then as well. I understood, then, that it is the rule. It is what everyone does. This I was never denying. It was evident. I was declaring the ridiculousness of it. I was proudly proclaiming that I refused to accept it. I understood that, when dealing with others, I would need to use it, but that does not mean I have to use it when on my own....nor will I.

This seemed to make people nuts. Some were becoming insistent that I must accept it. I can not deny it. It is just the way it is.

True. But, it is not the way it has always been. It was created. Someone created it and someone accepted it. They put it into practice. More people accepted it. on and on it went until it was so commonly accepted that someone made it a rule. And, it wasn't even created for people like you and me - the common folk. It was created to help make scientific(mathematical) equations more universal. (It was almost like creating a language.) But, it has not always been. It was not always 'just how it is.' It doesn't even have purpose in day to day life. And, since it truly has no practical purpose, to it I say, "Bah!" It can go away as far as I'm concerned.

I feel the same way about Daylight Savings Time. I don't care which side of the line we set the clocks to and stay at...but this shit needs to go away. It is utter ridiculousness. It had purpose at one time in history. It no longer serves that purpose. Now it is merely a pain in the ass. 

But I digress...

I was so adamant about my denial of it all that one very trusted associate commented that he thought I was being...well...bitchy and kind of an ass. He phrased it much nicer and more polite, but that's what he meant. But I wasn't. I certainly didn't mean to be. I was just having fun. I was just standing strong in the fact that I could deny it if I so wanted. Some people had more difficulty dealing with this than others.

One person in particular just became overly aggressive with his pursuit of this point. He posted a picture of the equation on his calculator with the correct answer. He was saying, "See...here it is. My calculator did it that way." Yes. But, the calculator was told to calculate it that way. And I commented with that thought, "You mean the calculator that was programmed by a person?"

I understood it was the "rule" and that is why the calculator was programmed that way. My point was that it had to be programmed. It doesn't calculate the equation that way naturally. Again, it's not really a rule because we make it the rule. Do we really think that all of a sudden that the whole of existence is suddenly an hour later just because we say so? 

I understood what he was saying, but I still stood strong in my position. Just because it is the rule now does not mean it is a natural process. And, as something created I can deny it. Not every country participates in Daylight Savings. There are states within the Republic that deny it altogether. They don't have to accept it just because everyone else does. Why do I have to accept this? But I kept my comment brief and to the point - it was programmed that way.

To this, he posted a meme of Patrick Stewart as Capt. Jean-luc Picard, smacking his own forehead with a caption that read, "Stop already. Your stupid is hurting me." Ironically, this was posted right after I explained to my polite and sincere associate that I was not being bitchy and that he would know it if I were.

Well, my first sentence in my response to this meme was to announce to my friend that I would now be getting bitchy. Now I had just about enough and I addressed it in true Matthew manner. I believe I started my comment by addressing him as Asswad. I explained to him that I was just here minding my own business. I had made it very clear that I was ok in my stand on this and that no one was going to change my mind...not no one. Not no how. Yet, here he was continuing to pursue the matter, becoming more and more aggressive with each approach. "Who has the stupid," I asked him.

I think I knew then that something was amiss with me. I just wouldn't start to realize it for a few more weeks.

There were religious debates. One person in particular would always open and walk through that door. She knows we do not see or understand "God" in the same way. Yet, she always makes a point of it. At first I didn't mind the debates. Some of them even covered my favorite taboo topics. Like Satan, "The Devil." That one generally amuses me...a lot.

But, I had shared a very heavy thought. It was just one of those days...one of those "trips." Things were deep and heavy within and around me. I began to think of my death. I have thought of it many times over the years. After all, it was the moment that changed everything. But, suddenly I was questioning it. I came back with such force. I was not dying. Not then.

And, now I was wondering if I have paid the price ever since. Why did I come back? What did I think I was proving? What did I think I was going to do, or accomplish? What purpose did it serve?

I don't know why I had shared the thought. I wasn't going to...for this very reason, in fact. I didn't want to get into it. I think I wanted to mark it. I wanted to document the moment, but I didn't really want to get into it. I didn't want the concerned or encouraging comments. It wasn't something I needed encouragement over. It was what it was and I have learned to accept that it happened. But, suddenly I was questioning it. The question had been tossed in my lap, in an experience that currently only one person knows about. I literally woke up with the realization that perhaps I should not be. I had cheated death, by stealing back my own life...

....maybe I did more harm than good to the nature of the Universe.

But this turned into the "God" view rather quickly and strongly.

I exploded.

I know that not everyone understands "God" in the same way. Even among specific religions there are multiple denominations with varying comprehensions and explanations. I understand that my belief is not something everyone can accept. I am all over the charts. The truth is, though I can generally hold my own when speaking the language of this belief or that, there is no religion that could accept me. I can grasp the concepts of them all. I know what they're saying. But, I can not live 'hard and fast' by any one precept. There are layers and levels, degrees if you will. Everything interconnects and/or overlays everything else...somewhere.

The thing about my belief is it is mine. It is not something I went to a temple to be told. I did not read it in a book. I lived it. I experienced it. Then I began to read the books to understand it. And, now, when I go to a temple of any kind, I go to know it...differently.

I can not tell you what it is - God, Goddess, Allah, The Universal Energy, Chance and Happenstance - but whatever it is, it is so fucking real. It coexists through us and among us. Life is a living, breathing...sentient being. It acts and reacts...and, when we allow it this, truly miraculous things take place.

When I snapped, I realized that something was very, very wrong. It wasn't just Facebook. I was getting more and more irritable. I was getting more and more tired, confused, distracted. My game was off. I was out of sync and I could feel it tearing at me. I was so aware of it that I even knew the pattern. Which is how I realized that I was out of sync. It was this back and forth thing going on. I don't know which came first and how it emerged, but I was having these minor explosions coupled with increasingly intense spiritual moments. Though I don't know how that statement does any of it justice because the first spiritual moment was nothing but intense. And, yes, it just grew from there.

These spiritual moments would invigorate me and at the same time really mellow me out. They were informative and enlightening. Curious, even. And, they would hang on for a day or two. It was taking me an extended period to process the full impact of the experience. As I was processing I was also grounding and it was when I got grounded that it would start to get difficult. 

The world was weighing on me. There was so much going on. There was so much pressure from all sides. It would just build and build and build until several days later when I could catch that moment one more time. That moment when I could put it all aside. I could separate from it, even if it was just for that moment. And, when I was centered again, then the Spirit would happen. I would get zapped with information and the cycle would begin once more. It has left me with a whole new concept of Spirit. I will not say understanding because I certainly do not.

It was becoming more and more intense with each passing week. It didn't matter to me that it had been prophesied. I knew that it was coming and that it would be intense. I was told that much. But it was much more intense than I could have conceived and it seemed to last much longer than I believed it was to be. If the truth be told, I am not certain it is over. This actually kind of concerns me at the moment. For as intense as the last moment was, things are way to calm right now. (But then the last moment came with its own prophesy of time.)

Nonetheless, I knew I needed to take a step back. So, on March 9, 2016 I deactivated my Facebook account. I did not delete it because I knew I would want to go back to it. But I did not want it there for me to access or to be accessed through. I needed to cut myself off. I wasn't even certain that I would be answering phone calls or texts. The only challenge before me was my work day. It left me vulnerable and susceptible. But it was unavoidable.

In fact, just two weeks prior, I was asked to shut myself off for three days. I could only get through two of them...because of my work. I couldn't avoid it, without causing a problem. Or, so I thought. For, the problem happened anyway.

(Fascinating...ain't it?)

And, so here we are once more. Tomorrow morning will mark the 13th day since I stepped away...and six weeks since it all began. I am returning to Facebook and I am coming back to life with this post. It will seem so familiar but be so different. Not just Facebook, but everything...because it needs to be. So much has been thrown out on the table in the past several weeks. So much insight into myself and Spirit and the whole of be-ing. This truly has been, without question, the most incredible journey I have experienced...and I have had some doozies.

I have the whole thing caught on video. Every moment-  the realizations and connections, even the prophesies - is documented. The entire six week process. I just don't know how to edit it together. I don't know how to tell the story. First and foremost, there is so much information on different things and in different ways that I don't know if it would be possible to follow all at once. Not to mention the fact that lots of information, or moments, equals lots of video, which equals lots of time. Yet, that process is so important to the story. In fact, one could go as far as to say it is the point to (or the moral of) the story.

But, also, the story is so fascinatingly precise every step of the way. It couldn't be written to that level of perfection and syncopation. It started intense and ended a thousand times that. Never could I have seen a direct line between the two. At least, not until I got to the end. This made me wonder if I should tell the story backwards. Sometimes, those are the most fascinating stories. Those are not the only two complexities. The end brought me to the realization that it didn't actually start six weeks ago. What is happening now is directly related to what happened in October. 

October was the aftermath of the tree falling in on the cave last June. Everything changed then. My whole world. Every aspect of my existence was centered in and revolved around The Cave. With just a flash of light it all came to an abrupt halt - my productivity and creativity, my work and income, my hobbies and interests, my solace and Spirit. It all ceased in a breath. [That's a word trickier than it appears at first glance.]

Everything I was, was no more.

Before that, there was a fluidity. Everything was really kind of coming together. Slowly, but surely. I was working and money seemed to be flowing. My Spirit was up and there was all sorts of stuff going on. I was being crafty and creative. Then...BAM!!

Interestingly enough I have that all on video as well. It was the last time I really made a go at all of this brew-ha-ha. Some of those videos were already posted and shared on Facebook. But, not the last one. It was never finished...and it was the one the prophesied the falling tree.

I do not know how long I spent in The Void, gripping and grasping for any semblance of existing. Come to think of it, it was much like dying all over again. Which, in and of itself, is a fascinating revelation. 

After all, it didn't begin with the tree falling. As I was to learn in the end, it all began with my death. Or, did it? 

I was slain long before I died...and that is two years currently unaccounted for.....

......................

From here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev, wishing you Peace, Light, Love...and Freakishness, baby!!