Happy….whatever it is….

 

Hey Gang! Welcome to my life, where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m the Rev. Matt and I’ll be your host – coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia. Welcome to my Life is a project, an experiment in life and ART. A living storyboard, if you will. It’s premise is that life is experiential and that you can, and do, experience the life you choose. It is based on The Wheel of Life and the ARTS for the New Millennium as life building tools.

Welcome to my Life is an ITV Studios/ Geist…House production. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a “Shout-Out” to everyone for their ongoing and, oft times unknowing, inspiration and support.

It is Monday, July 4, 2011. Time…Independent. (Did you really expect anything else on this day?)

I’m not sure what to talk about today. I really have been in a strange groove as of late. I feel a little better today, but only a little. I even had someone comment on it last night. He said he could just see the funk around me. Which I figured was the case. I knew it was heavy on me. I’m not sure what brought it on. I was having a really good streak and then BAM! I just felt like shit. Everything was annoying and irritating me. I felt pressure and stress and worry.

I’m feeling “used” by a few of my “friends".” And, this bothers me on several levels. First, don’t I deserve better than that? Second, what does that say about me? I mean, we see in others that which we can find in ourselves. So, you see, no matter how I look at that kind of a situation, I really don’t win in it.

I find that lately I am uninspired, unmotivated…uninterested. For example, I took the girls to see fireworks in Breinigsville last night. It was neat…for about the first two minutes. Then I was unimpressed and pretty much done with the whole experience. In fact, I found myself wondering why we find them so fascinating in the first place.

I am finding myself stressed over money. (Big surprise, right?) It’s just lately I feel like I am doing nothing but being on the run, doin whatever I can to make some money, and no matter how much I make it doesn’t seem to be enough. I just don’t know what else I can do differently. I take every piece of work that I can possibly take. (Physically, mentally and spiritually.) And yet, all I find at the end of the day is that I have a lot of stuff that isn’t done – work around the home and even my own work – and I don’t seem to have any money. (Or at least not enough to make it all fell worthwhile.)

Now, I know life works in cycles and rhythms. And, I am aware of my own pattern. I just tire of it. I have a really good, up cycle and then it drops. It comes back around and then it drops. It is the ebb and flow of my life. For the most part I am down with it. I know how it works and I usually know how to work it. But, lately, it is working on my nerves. I just…feel like I need more. I want more. I want to move forward. And, I don’t know what more I can do except keep plugging along and wait.

If I have to look for the usual weekly things (which I do) I would have to say that Theme of the Week is….

Messages and Messengers

They really are everywhere and always so perfectly timed. For example, yesterday morning we turned the TV on upstairs and who was on? Osteen, the Son. What was he talking about? Having Divine Abundance. Allowing God to provide for you and not allowing yourself to get drawn into the illusion of life because things can change drastically at any moment and in ways that you can not imagine at the time of worry and doubt.

This morning, on my way to Staples to buy printer ink (which had me ranting and raving for several reasons) I was “griping” to God. I suppose if I wanted to be all spiritual and shit I would say I was praying, but really, let’s call it what it was – I was bitchin’. Just as I was finishing and saying, “Really. Please…do something,” I passed by a church with one of those electronic signs out front. Usually, this sign is scrolling through some combination of messages. Today, however, it was only displaying one. One message. One word.

Hope.

How can you argue with something like that. Perhaps that is when my attitude started changing.

Lesson of the Week:

Give It Up!

Now, this can kind of go two ways and, unfortunately, this week I have been resonating with the lower vibration. In as much as I could have seriously just given up at one point this week. However, that was not the meaning of the message. It was actually meant to be more in line with Osteen’s message: give it up to God.

Observation is the tough one. I’m not so sure I made any good observations this week. Perhaps it was the sickness. I started the week very very sick. And, as I look back on he week, it seems as though it was a very long one. Very often I have found myself thinking, “Oh yeah. That was just this past week.” (And feeling as though it had been last week…whatever “it” may be.)

Well…that’s about it. I have very little else to say and I have one more big mess to get under control. Then maybe I won’t feel so overwhelmed. (Although after that mess I have a lot of other stuff to do.)