And, A Time Shall Come To Pass…

 

Monday, June 9, 2014 (22 Day…hmmmm. Me likey.)

2130

Tonight we are listening to the next disc in the Compilation Collection. It comes to us, inadvertently through and unbeknownst to, Encyclopedia Brown. The songs on this disc were all lyric posts on a blog he was doing at the time. Every so often he would post lyrics to a song. After there seemed to be enough of these I began to wonder what they would sound like on a disc. What story did they tell exactly?

To this day, the result of that experiment is still fascinating to me. It not only tells an interesting tale of Encyclopedia, but also a very familiar one to myself. I don’t think I realized that until listening to it earlier today. And, as we listen through it now I will be paying closer attention to see if it is what I think it is.

If it is, then I suddenly have much more understanding towards and empathy for what he must have been going through at the time.

So here we go…

--Did My Time by Korn

It was a rather intriguing day. Though everything I intended has gotten tended to, nothing at all seemed to flow as I would have anticipated. Even in this moment I am very unsure. I have been very void-ish all day. Getting things done but at a snail’s pace. Yet I feel accomplished. I do not feel as though a moment of my day has been wasted.

And, really, Void-ish is the perfect term. I am in a transitional place at the moment. Not only is there this big thing hanging out there waiting to happen, but just in general. I am just getting back from a week on the road and a busy weekend with the Princesses.

Things were disorganized and chaotic before I left. Imagine how they were when I returned. I have just had this trouble doing lately. I’ve noticed it over the last two weeks. I set out to do something and I may or may not get it done.

--Everything I’ve Known by Korn

I’m trying to be ok in that, because Everything Happens For A Reason and All Things Are Perfectly Timed.

I remember the days when Doing Nothing was nothing at all to me. Given a stolen moment it was easy for me to whisk away on the wind to lands far away and times long forgotten.

I would dance among the clouds and talk to the world around me.

--Don’t Follow by Alice in Chains

I can’t tell you how many a faerie realm I have stumbled upon that way.

Idle time was anything but. There was always an adventure to be had, a calling to answer…a duty to fulfill.

And, now, here I am, older…and none the wiser.

--Alive by Korn

As I was saying yesterday, I have been dealing a lot with the question, “Who am I?”

More importantly…what exactly does that mean.

One thing that has definitely come back time and time again is that first and foremost, I AM a Minister.

I AM a Minister of Faith.

I AM a Minister of Healing.

I AM a Minister of Inspiration.

I AM a Minister of Fellowship & Brotherhood.

--Keep Talking by Pink Floyd

*I so know this journey – the anger, the confusion, the questions…*

This is, without a doubt who I am. It is who I have been programmed to be. For the whole of my life these things have been a common Theme. These are the situations I am dropped into, the people who are hurled upon me, the moments I have and the experiences I share. This is what it is.

This is what it has always been.

Have I always understood that? No. Have I always accepted it? No. Have I always been respectful and deserving of it?

Absolutely not.

But this has been my ‘Journey.’ It is everything I have been and learned and seen.

I just don’t really know what that means. Like…so now what?

--Black by Pearl Jam

Now I must embrace it. It has been there – forever. I can recall being a teenager and having adults just open up to me, fall apart, confess and confide. I was confidenced with things no teenager should have thought about. Well beyond my years.

It is nothing for a complete stranger to just open up to me and tell me a life story. I have had my share of Forrests in my travels. (And, I have been quite the Gump as well.)

--It Could Be Sweet by Portishead

*I have often wondered who, exactly, this particular run of songs is about. I wonder if I know.*

I have had the most random people come to me at the most climactic of times.

I always seem to be there when there is transition.

It’s weird for me to put it down in such definite terms. I’ve always carried it and talked about it and tried to practice it. But I can’t say that I have ever committed to it in such a final way.

--Serenity by Godsmack

Even where I live.

There is just something Magickal about Geistopia. Something powerful and potent and transformative.

It is a vortex I cannot explain…and anyone who has been here has experienced it in some way shape or form. For as long as I can remember, people have had experiences here. Ghosts and feelings and faeries and miracles and magick.

I once had a guy come here. It was something like 3:00 in the morning. He was tripping out something fierce on a serious, and allegedly accidental, overdose of liquid acid. No lie. He came here.

He came here because of whatever it is that happens here.  

In fact, this is the phenomenon that inspires WTML in the first place. I watched this over and over again. The way people were drawn here, the moments they would have, and the more of us there were, the better.

It was always so fascinating to see the little magicks that would happen. The energies shared. I wanted to share it with the world because it was…beautiful.

I didn’t know then, or I didn’t understand, just what a blessing being the caretaker of that sort of energy/experience truly is.

Today, I know. (And, I hope it is not too late to make the most of it.)

--Call Me  by Blondie (This is Track #11. We missed some.)

I feel like it is a tall order to call myself out in such a way, but it was the most pronounced answer to the question.

--Beauty Never Fades (Animatrix Edit) by Saffron, Junkie XL

But, It Is What It Is. That part of it all happens naturally. That’s actually the most fascinating part of it. I never know exactly when or where I will find myself in that type of situation.

I have other things to work at. I must stay focused and geared and practiced in that way. I must remove all distractions and confusions and ‘ale-ments.’ I must remove ‘The Drunkenness.’

I believe, somewhere, The Bible tells us not to be drunk when ‘he calls.’ (Something along those lines.)

I’ve always said that the line was misleading. Though we may not all drink, each of us gets drunk on something. For some it is money or power or sex or need or ego or fear or any number of a list and combination of these things.

We all have things that cloud our judgment. (And, our being.)

For some it is even Religion. We get so hopped up on our own beliefs that we fail to see clearly in them.

For so long I have been weak and afraid, marching on the Bravest of the Brave.

I don’t think I ever believed in myself.

I have suffered Self-esteemism. (???)

--High Hopes by Pink Floyd (#14. Missed some more. Its actually got a good groove to get lost in…once you get past the anger in the beginning. Love is a funny thing, My Brother.)

I must release the fear and the pain and The Youth Not Remembered. I must repent for my ‘sins’ and ‘the darkness’ I have carried.

As I told the story last night (on video yet to be seen) I realized just how certain patterns have fallen together in my life…and just how deep-rooted some of them must be.

There are so many little pieces that, separate and alone, seem random and easy to judge – even for me. Yet, strung together like cranberries and popcorn on an evergreen tree, they paint a different story. (I think.)

It has been a life. It truly has.

Earlier I was lead on a study of Sodom & Gomorrah. It was definitely more academic than it was geared in any way towards a contemporary Christian interpretation. But, it was accurate.

It was a study which involved understanding, and accepting, that there are things like language barriers and histories and peoples and influences. There are subtle nuances that one does not know unless one has studied them.

I have forever said this. There is so much more going on than what is written on those pages. There are traditions and beliefs and cultures and so many things that influence the words, and the way they appear (or do not) on the pages. So much of that history and understanding is not written because it was assumed whoever read it would know it.

--Megalomaniac(Explicit) by Incubus (#15. Last song)

*This one was explicitly directed at me. lol.

Anyway, it does conclude that the moral of the story is most definitely God’s Judgment. Just not in the way we are accustomed to. In fact, the journey there was very interesting. As usual, the very obvious is right there in front of us as we read The Bible. But it is so obvious, and so subtle, that we tend to glaze over it. I found myself repeatedly asking, “How did I miss that?”

But now it is time for me to enter the Swamps of Dagobah and face my fate.

Until another time, my friends.