We Put The F-U in Dys-F-U-nctional

Hey Gang!

Welcome to my life…

Where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within…

The Depths of Geistopiaaaaaaaaaa

Velcum to my Life ees a prochect, un experiment een Life unt ART, A liwing storyboard, if you vill. Eet’s premise ees zat you can, and do, experience za life you choose. Eet ees based on za Veel of Life unt za ARTs for za New Millennium as life building tools. Ya. Eet’s true.

Welcome to my Life is an ITV Studios/Geist…House production. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

FaeriePrincess

Berton

The VanMan (may he R.I.P.)

Osteen, the Son

Redds

Mudder

Mudslide Bill

Jojo Dancer

Senior Swankypants

The Socialite

The Nameless One

The Ziatonic Antagonist

Otto

Prof. Siggy Chong

Pasturizer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Mama Rabbit

And, of course, a very generous sponsor who pretends to want to be anonymous.

(There are a few of you I just don’t have nicknames for as of yet. Soon. Very soon.)

(*Semi-Legal mumbo-jumbo jargon fine print – my thoughts, my words. Bug off if you think you theivin’ them.*)

It is Sunday, August 10, 2014. Time….unresolved.

Oh God, You Devil 

Do Not Confuse My Personality With My Attitude. My Personality is mine. My Attitude is determined By You.

If You Act Like Nothing Is Wrong…Nothing Will Be

Feedback

Feedback has always been my favorite part of WTML, and also, the one I get to play with the least. I have long said that this is actually the most vital part of the project and have strongly encouraged folks to leave comments, questions and the like.

General – In your Feedback that I posted last week, you made the comment, “I’m glad to see some attention is being paid to Feedback.” (Or something along those lines.) I can’t recall how much of a response I gave to this, but I wish to touch on it now.

In order to give attention to Feedback there must actually be some Feedback. Now, I realize in order for there to be Feedback there must first be a post. So, I will do my best to do my part.

As the words above indicate, I encourage involvement and questions and comments. My statistics for that particular post, the one for which General left his Feedback, reached 200 and some odd people. 200 and some. That’s what my statistics showed. I think it was like 283, but don’t quote me on that. Nonetheless, over 200 people read that post. Or, so I’m told. I still don’t believe it myself. 200 and some people read the post and, apparently, only 1 had a thought, a question…a reaction.

Folks, I can’t stress it enough. If all you do is read this blog it will never be more than words on a [cyber] page. It will become a Journey the moment you engage.

JoJo Dancer – Most certainly, my dear. No one is more deserving.

And now, once again, some Feedback of my own. I am struggling with things in the blog of late. One of those things is the Theme/Lesson/Observation trio. They have forever been an integral part of WTML.

I’ve noticed lately that I do not seem to be getting around to the stories, or the things that bring me to these ‘enlightenments’ lately. I had placed them at the top in the hopes that I could prattle on and their realizations would become obvious. However, my prattling of late has taken a much different turn than even I could have expected. So, for this moment, they are at the top. But as I set forth to complete this post I believe you may see them again later. And, in future posts, I foresee that they will be, once again, buried deep within the body of the post.

There are other things that I have noticed when I try to write recently, but I think they are better suited for the prattling portion of our program.

So…without further ado….

--Parents, unresolved on how I feel

I sometimes wish that I could come up with ‘new’ words for my week. I feel like I am always using the word ‘intense,’ and yet, that always seems to be the best word.

I  think it’s only fair that I have been slowly trying to work my way through this post all week long. I have finally come to Saturday and I believe it is time to get it finished. For, Sunday is a day full of activity…sort of. Late Sunday morning I must go and do some weeding at someone’s house and then by 1515 I will be with the Princesses to start our second, and last, week of vacation.

The week has seen a bit of changing and shifting throughout. I did reclaim my Monday and it did make a difference. It didn’t make all of the difference, some of that still rests on me, but I most certainly had a better groove this week than last.

Monday started strong with me getting caught up on some things and getting the week ahead of me straightened out. It’s amazing to me how such a simple thing can have such an impact on the whole of the week. Just merely having ‘that day.’ One day a week to rest and recoup, regain and re-strategize…refocus.  (And on the 7th day…)

I have used many words to define my Monday over the years. Of course, at one point in history it was Sunday, but that’s neither here nor there. I have called it my “Me Day",” my “Day for nothing,” My “day off.” Each of these is true, but none has ever been completely accurate. I do things. I work sometimes.

Monday is the ‘sleep’ of my week.

I did have some work this week at the office. Plus the wedding this weekend. But, as usual, there were no guarantees to the work. The plan was to do Tues-Fri 9:30-2:30. Friday ended way early…though now that I look back on that moment that could have been due to confusion. Hmmm.

And, Thursday never happened at all. I was up, I was ready. I got in the van and…the ignition wouldn’t turn. I have had this issue before. So, I called the office to tell them what was happening and that I didn’t know exactly how it would play out – if I could get it going, when, etc.? I was told to not worry about it. Apparently, there was not a pile of work ready and waiting for me.

I was not surprised by this at all. In fact, when the ignition wouldn’t turn I was certain it was just a day to stay home.

I got in touch with my mechanic, they came, the saw….they repaired. It still jams occasionally but I am, thus far, able to get around it.

Thursday was difficult.

I was caught in a frenzy of energy. There was not only activity around me, but within. I could feel it burning and turning. And, every so often, there would just be a surge and it would all rush through my body. I would shake and jitter. I could tell what course I was on, but I still have no real clue where it is headed.

I knew by Wednesday something was coming. I could feel it brewing, much as one may sense a brewing storm, and it arrived precisely on schedule. (Or is that departed?)

By Thursday night I could see that I was picking up right where I left off 16 years ago - the night I died.

I was afraid then. I could feel myself holding back, pushing the serpent back into it’s place. I resisted…and I died.

I tried not to resist on Thursday. I knew what was happening and what would come after. But, I faced it this time. I was still apprehensive, still a bit leery of it all. But I allowed myself to succumb. I can feel it now, in the very same spot from 16 years ago. So, I’m not exactly certain how I fared. Perhaps time will tell.

I have been wrestling with myself…

Left hand, or right?

…All these weeks you say nothing. Now you have something to say?

Who could resist?

Apparently not you. (Shakes head.)

So, any hoot and a holler, I have been going through this process this week. I don’t know what the right word for it actually is. I have been facing things – in particularly my feelings towards my parents and Mama. Or at least, the situations surrounding them.

I find myself getting tripped up. It is that eternal battle between Spirit and Ego, I suppose.

In both situations there is this deep down, potent, almost irreversible…animosity. It flows back and forth between they and I . In both cases, this animosity is built, developed over a period of time and through a series of events. And, in both cases, the true source of it has yet to be revealed.

But there it is – sitting, stifling, swelling and swirling.

In both of these scenarios, I am accused of being the enemy, the evil one, the asshole – the aggravator , if you will. That is their story and they are most certainly sticking to it…no matter what.

Of course, my version of the story will read bit different.  I would never insult you by feigning innocence. I most certainly can be a prick…when provoked. In fact, I am usually quite open about my prickishness. Proud, even.

Nonetheless, the quandary I find myself in of late is that if I tell my stories, the story of my life and all of its trials and tribulations, then I feel as though I am just being negative – holding on to things.

This is where being unresolved comes in to play. I harbor no true, long-standing, negativity towards these, or any, people. With the exception of one that is and that’s not even negativity as mush as it is the realization and acceptance that her being and my being cannot occupy the same space for long.

Yet, the stories are such an integral part of the journey. They demonstrate, so perfectly, why I could get frustrated and just how easy it would be to get there. But, I do not want to leave negative connotations in people’s minds. Negativity begets negativity.

(And now it is suddenly Tuesday and I am still not done with this dang post.)

I guess at that point it is best to stop here and try again at the end of this week. We’ll get there folks. I promise.

 

 

From here in Geistopia, for now and for always, I am your beloved Rev. wishing you…

Love

Light

Peace

and Freakishness.