A Post with No Name

Hey Gang!

Welcome to my life…

Where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within…

The Depths of Geistopiaaaaaaaaaa

Velcum to my Life ees a prochect, un experiment een Life unt ART, A liwing storyboard, if you vill. Eet’s premise ees zat you can, and do, experience za life you choose. Eet ees based on za Veel of Life unt za ARTs for za New Millennium as life building tools. Ya. Eet’s true.

Welcome to my Life is an ITV Studios/Geist…House production. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

FaeriePrincess

Berton

The VanMan (may he R.I.P.)

Osteen, the Son

The Faery-Taler

The Nameless One

Senior SwankyPants

The General

The White Rose

JoJo Dancer

The Socialite

Redds

Hoagie

Mudder

Mudslide Bill

The Cowboy

Danny Boy

Not-Bob

W.M.J.B.

The Balletic One

The Original Mr. Baggins (& His Wife)

The Ziatonic Antagonist

Otto

Prof. Siggy Chong

Pasturizer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Mama Rabbit

And, of course, a very generous sponsor who pretends to want to be anonymous.

(There are a few of you I just don’t have nicknames for as of yet. Soon. Very soon.)

(*Semi-Legal mumbo-jumbo jargon fine print – my thoughts, my words. Bug off if you think you theivin’ them.*)

It is Sunday, November 2, 2014. Time…Developing.

Feedback

Feedback has always been my favorite part of WTML, and also, the one I get to play with the least. I have long said that this is actually the most vital part of the project and have strongly encouraged folks to leave comments, questions and the like.

Believe it or not…I just didn’t have Theme, Lesson, or Observation this week. I am sure they are there, and I will think of them sooner or later. But, for now, I am clueless.

I’m not sure I know how I feel about this past week, let alone what words to use to describe it.

I started the week feeling fairly good about things in general. I had frustrations and concerns but I was working my way through them. I have been working this ‘plan’, once again trying to put my life on a better track. It’s been going very slowly and it has not, at any point, been easy. But, I was seeing progress.

I found that, despite any shortcomings, I was feeling good about life and grateful for whatever little blessings that it brings. For instance, my work. I don’t make a lot of money and work isn’t always available to me, but there are many little blessings hidden among all of that chaos.

I have a variety of work. Absolutely no two days are the same. My days are like fuckin’ snowflakes, man. I might be doing some I.C. work, or catching some work on the fly from my phone apps. I could be doing a reading or Reiki or some other ministerial duty. I might be taking care of administrative things around ‘the office.’ Or, I could be doing any combination of these things. Even when I go to my ‘regular’ job, no day is like the one before or the one after.

I may not make a lot of money (almost none really) but I could be making money at almost any moment – whether I knew it in advance or not. On Friday I picked up two extra jobs along the way and made an extra $6. It didn’t take long really. I didn’t really go out of my way and the money was deposited in my Paypal account before I could blink. (Ok. Maybe not that fast, but you get the idea.) Many times, expenses incurred throughout the day  - gas, coffee, meals – are covered, or even reimbursed, by my work.

In the beginning of the week I was just thinking about all of this and how it may not be much, but it’s mine…and it’s more than many people have available to them.

I was reviewing my ‘plan’ and felt good about it. The ‘plan’ had a lot of potential. It wasn’t an easy road I was looking at but it was workable. A lot of depended on indefinites and uncertainties – I.C. work, ministry jobs, etc. – but as long as I have my ‘regular’ job and that steady income, minute as it may be.

I could see the ‘plan’ and my life evolving.

Then things began to change.

It starts Monday afternoon.

We had a support hearing. I could say many things about what I believe Mama’s motivations were for taking us there, but that would be pointless, and even senseless. Nonetheless, we were there.

I felt good going in. There was no telling really what would happen. I have an income, but as I have pointed out it is miniscule. Last time we faced this situation the DR person strongly suggested we do nothing at that time and work it out amongst ourselves in the future as things developed.

Obviously, my financial situation never changed much. There would be brief periods of abundance and flow, but more often than not, I would find myself scrimping and struggling to get over every next hump.

I did offer several times along the way to pay half of all miscellaneous expenses – doctor, medicine, clothes, school supplies, etc. All she needed to do was let me know when they arose. To me, this was a fair, and temporary, arrangement. Monthly payments, especially sizeable ones, are very difficult for me to come by. But, smaller amounts, scattered here and there; However, are much easier for me to come by and manage. She didn’t like the idea, nor did she ever take advantage of it.

So, here we were once again.

The poor guy behind the desk didn’t know what to make of my work – the variety and the types, and how it all functions. If this wasn’t obvious throughout the interaction, he made it very apparent near the end when he said, “I’ve had people come through here with all kinds of jobs, but never have I seen anybody like you. I’ve never even heard of some of those jobs.”

HA!

So anyway, I revealed everything, shared all. That’s just how I function. As an example, and this is the God’s honest truth, I claim every dollar of income. Every single one. Even things like money made from recycling metal. It’s income and technically, legally, it should be claimed as such. Believe it or not.

I claim every dollar I make…and I claim every expenditure along the way.

So, for me, this was no different. I went in with all of my paperwork, all of the paperwork we were required to take and then some. Now that I am thinking about it, he didn’t look at everything that they had requested I bring and I wonder now if that may have made a difference in his decision making. Hmmmm….

Nonetheless, he went over it all. He asked us each some questions and then he went off and plugged some numbers into a calculating machine and came back with the results.

First let me say that he did, despite the fact that she does not work, put Mama in with an earning potential of X amount of dollars a month.

Likewise, he put in my numbers based on what he thought my earning potential was, all things considered. I’m not sure how I want to tell you this next part. I don’t know just how detailed I wish to be.

But, he came back with a monthly earning potential for me of 1100 and some odd dollars. He said this was on 25 hours a week at $12/hr. This is double what I told him I made at my job. My “guaranteed” steady income for the past two months-ish has only been 12-15 hours a week @ $12/hr. So, this guy is figuring that I can make just a little more than that same amount each month doing all of my independent work. So you’re looking at something like $576 a month minimum.

In September, my total “other earnings” were $140. And, in October I was able to raise that to $330, including ten borrowed dollars. This is an improvement, but a far cry from the assumed ‘potential.’

Interesting, that as I look closer at this, I see possibility. Perhaps his assumptions were not too far off.

Anyway, in those months, my total income after deducting taxes and all business and necessary expenses ranged in the mid 400’s.  Now there are still expenditures I haven’t looked at, but this includes the unavoidable ones – gas, insurance, supplies, taxes, food, etc. I see potential. As long as I have my steady hours, and I continue to manifest the other various jobs.

Okay, so the payment amount is set at $218 a month.

I know, this is a blessing and I am not upset about the amount in the slightest. However, I was, and am, a little nervous about how exactly that plays out. I mean, the other sources of income come and go and their own whims and there is only so much I can actually do to secure them. Much of it is out of my control.

I left the office feeling pretty good. As I said, I wasn’t upset about the payment nor the amount of it. I mean, I really felt good walking out of the office. That is, until something happened. Then I had a moment of questioning. But, I will get to that in a moment.

I left the office, smiling and be-bopping along in my typical way. I was smiling, but inside I was nervous and trying to figure out exactly how I make this work. But, I was maintaining faith.

Tuesday I arrived at work and was told that my guaranteed hours may not be so much anymore. I am to be used in times of ‘need’ only.

So, there went the entire keystone of my planning and my ability to do things. Just like that. Gone.

Now, to be fair, my supervisor has been finding some things for me to do still and has been just barely getting away with it. I do have what looks like a week of potential hours ahead. But, as of right now, only one week.

This puts me in quite the predicament. I was already struggling in my mind to figure out how to make it all work. I was thinking about looking for another part time job to supplement. I was looking at Cuddlebug dropping dance classes. Not my preferred option but it may be a reality. Besides, the ‘System’ apparently considers that to be extra-curricular. needless to say, the ‘System’ and I differ greatly on the matter.

The ARTs are fundamental in our growth and development. they aren’t really an option. Which ARTs we choose are up to us, but we will all find our ART.

Furthermore, Cuddlebug has expressed a serious interest in dance since she is 2 1/2 years old. It is the only thing she has really taken a serious interest in and for, going on, 6 years she has been very dedicated to any classes she has had.

I see that as a necessity. It is part of who she is and it must be allowed to exist.

So, for now, we are looking at her dropping down to one class. I am not really willing to force her to quit altogether. She and I have discussed it and she handled it quite well. I’m very proud of her.

I have talked to the dance studio and they have told me to take my time and figure it out.

I have asked mama if she is now willing to help pay for Cuddlebug’s dance. For the first year, she covered most of it. That was after LCP and during my period of little to no work. The second year I think we split it. The third year I paid for Cuddlebug’s and she paid for Sunshine’s. (Actually, I think her mother paid it, but that’s neither here nor there.) We did the same for the fourth year. This kept us fairly balanced. She covered one class, including shoes and costumes, etc. And I covered the other. I think in the fourth year she did ask me if I could pay part of Sunshine’s and I told her that, not only couldn’t I do it financially, but it was the one thing between us financially that was balanced and I wanted to keep it that way.

Last year, Cuddlebug took a second class. It was only a half hour so it didn’t double the class expense but there were two costumes, two sets of shoes to maintain, etc. I said nothing. I didn’t ask for Mama to pay any portion of it at any time.

This year Cuddlebug is taking three classes. I did ask this time if Mama could contribute $25 a month to this. I didn’t ask for half, just a little something so she could take her classes.

“You have some nerve asking me for money.”

I took that as a no.

Nonetheless, I asked her again now if she would help.

Anyway, so the plan is changing. The goals are all still the same and I do not intend to stray from them. It is just the path to them that has shifted…or, rather, is shifting.

I have some job leads to follow-up on. Some are full time, some part, some are not much different than what I do now. Some sound interesting and some sound as if they’ll make me want to put a bullet in my head in a few weeks. But, I must pursue all options. Some may have me giving up time with the Princesses, whether it be dinner nights or parts or the whole of the weekends. This notion I don’t much care for, but if that is what it comes down to then that is what it comes down to and I just don’t see my daughters.

As you can tell, I’m not lying about the struggling through this. I get worried and concerned, but somehow I am maintaining my faith. I believe it all works out. Everything Happens For A Reason and Everything Is Perfectly Timed.

The change is coming. The change is inevitable.

This is what the Totems have been saying for weeks. Even Cuddlebug is aware of that. So, the change is obviously here.

Like I said, the plan itself is not changing. the goals are still in tact. It is the path, the methodology, that must now be adjusted.

In my ‘perfect world’ the change simply means a change in income – that my ‘other’ jobs, including and especially the ministry work will pick up. Realistically, I realize that it may very well mean a complete change, including giving up much of that ‘other’ work.

I will pursue my current, and all future, leads for work. In the meantime, I will try to squeeze whatever I can out of my current workplace. I have this next week. If I can get one more week out of them, at those minimal hours, then I should be able to pull off November and hopefully by then a new job will be in place and I won’t miss any pay periods along the way.

Yet, through all of this, I can’t help but feel like there is still something unknown to me. Some factor that I am unaware of in this moment.

Moving forward, as I said, I will be looking for this new work while trying to maintain whatever momentum and income I have.

Tomorrow is MY day. I will do laundry, take care of a job that I must do, look for work and pursue leads, but it is MY day. It is all about me. Perhaps I will find some answers tomorrow.

There was much more to my week than just this debacle.

Samhain, or, as you normy’s say, Halloween has come and gone. It was very intense for me this year.

Halloween is a very special day to me. It holds a lot of meaning and this year I really focused on that as I moved towards it. There was much ritual and meditation. I enjoyed that part of my week a great deal. It’s why I get disappointed at the way things go some days. I enjoy that part of my life. it feels right and I feel right in it. I want more of it.

Not less.

So let us see what the future holds.

From here in Geistopia, for now and for always, I am your beloved Rev. wishing you…

Love

Light

Peace

and Freakishness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So…I left Domestic Relations and I was be-bopping down the street. I was admiring all of the work that is taking, and has taken, place downtown. I step into the street, just a small alleyway. I crossed. I came to the next sidewalk. I knew I came to the next sidewalk. I was even anticipating that little handicapped ramp they put at the end of sidewalks.

It wasn’t there.

I tripped. And I mean I tripped good. Like…the camera shoulda been on kinda trip.

At first I stumbled pretty good. Caught myself. No sooner caught myself I just dropped. Lost all balance and dropped.

it was in that moment, and only in that moment, that I wondered if perhaps I hadn’t handled the support hearing wrong in some way.