And In That Time There Shone A Light

 

May 27, 2013

I have heard i t said that only when you reach rock bottom can you climb back up. Only when things have reached their darkest can you begin to see the light.

Have I reached that point yet….

Hey Gang!

Welcome to my life…

Where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within…

The Depths of Geistopiaaaaaaaaaa

Velcum to my Life ees a prochect, un experiment een Life unt ART, A liwing storyboard, if you vill. Eet’s premise ees zat you can, and do, experience za life you choose. Eet ees based on za Veel of Life unt za ARTs for za New Millennium as life building tools. Ya. Eet’s true.

Welcome to my Life is an ITV Studios/Geist…House production. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

FaeriePrincess

Berton

The Baker of the Cornbread

The VanMan (may he R.I.P.)

The Messengers of the Galactic Federation

Osteen, the Son

The Sitter

The WhiteRose

The Fallen Angel

CH-Eckhart

Sir Thomas

Jojo Dancer

Mr. NiceGuy

Senior Swankypants

Jethro

Da Boyz from da Hood

The Witch Dr.

The ‘Original’ Mr. Baggins (and His Wife)

The Socialite

B-Lo

The WhiteGurl

Roxie Heart

Mike the Bartender

The Chosen One

My Promoter and Her Pal

Prince Charming

Sir Patrick Wylde

The City of Hospitality

The Gang at Bean Creek

The Prophet

‘On Main’

Chicago Don

Mr. Indigo

The One Who Was Once ‘The Pan’

The Nervous, But Excited, One

Saint Diane

DreamCatcher

LisaLisa Monet

The Ziatonic Antagonist

Otto

Prof. Siggy Chong

Pasturizer

The Piz-Nifer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Donny Brown

Mama Rabbit

And, of course, a very generous sponsor who pretends to want to be anonymous.

(There are a few of you I just don’t have nicknames for as of yet. Soon. Very soon.)

(*Semi-Legal mumbo-jumbo jargon fine print – my thoughts, my words. Bug off if you think you theivin’ them.*)

It is Monday, May 27, 2013. Time….in Memorial. 

It has been a most awful period in history. Or, so it would seem from where I’ve been standing. I apologize for my unreasonably prolonged absence. I have absolutely no clue what happened. One moment all was well and moving along quite nicely. The next thing I know here I am…2 months later. I most certainly tried to capture as much of the experience as I could on video, but even that turned out to be much more challenging than one would think.

I’m not even certain where it all began. I don’t think it was any one given moment or happening. It seems it was a conglomerate of many major shifts all at once – some of which I am still recovering from. I mean, I could feel it coming. But, I had no idea what was about to hit.  I really do not even know where my life stands at the moment, nor how I feel about it.

Back near the end of February I could feel myself starting to burn out from the WTML video work. I knew it was just a matter of time until I collapsed. One fine Sunday afternoon I took a break.

I’m still breaking. (Sort of.)

I certainly didn’t mean to break for this long. It was supposed to be something like an afternoon. But, as life tends to so often happen, once I was behind I was only more likely to find myself further behind.

Then, without so much as a warning shot, I found myself in the midst of house being “re-done.” What made this challenging is it was rooms that hold my stuff, my life. So currently, and until the last of the furniture has been returned to its place, a great deal of my life is strewn about the house in some box or another.

And, this was a very slow and agonizing process.

It started with the upstairs bathroom. It got done from top to bottom, which meant for a week or so we were all functioning out of the downstairs bathroom. Functional but very inconvenient. I don’t even know how long that project lasted. As I said, the whole process was very grueling, and, therefore, very long.

After that it was the hallway and then the kitchen floor and the family room floor and I’m not sure what else.

Along the way I was given notice…sometimes. Sometimes at the last minute. Sometimes projects took longer than slated, so things stayed boxed up or moved longer than convenient. And, sometimes, things were boxed up/moved prematurely and couldn’t be put back for an extended period of time.

In short…it sucked.

All the while there was a simultaneous frenzy of activity in the work arena as well. This is not to say that there was an excess of work…only a frenzy of activity. Jobs got dropped and moved. New companies sprung from nowhere. New projects were tried and, sometimes failed. There was paperwork and studying and scheduling and testing and emailing and driving (and re-driving.)

There was a frenzy of financial activity too, but, much like the work, it wasn’t necessarily an abundant one. There were unexpected bills, changes in pay scales, loss of income or shift of income. There were days that started a-plenty and quickly became barren and nights that ended in poverty only to have me awaken to new monies in some account or another.

The weeks did not come up short on activity and drama either. There was initiation and challenge. HaSatan reared his subtle head. There was tension to the point of implosion. A meeting of the minds between Mama and Me. There was a flurry of friendly visits, confessions of unrequited love, tales of darkness and woe, revelations and revolutions.

There were times I felt confident and secure and somewhat in control. I believed that all was balancing out and that I would come through what was happening. Then swelled defeat. Complete and utter frustration-fed hopelessness.

There are so many stories I could tell. So many moments that deserve to be shared – some good, some…very, very bad. All very important.

VERY important – in defining and understanding and navigating through what comes next.

Observation of The Week – There Is Such A Thing As Trying Too Damned Hard.

I look back at the past several weeks and the first thing I take notice to is that I have been frenzied and hurried – overburdened to the point of collapse. I pushed and stressed and calculated. I tried and failed, and thus, tried again. And, in the end, everything is different yet nothing has changed. I have not fixed, nor improved, nor repaired anything. I have only ended up with more pieces of a puzzle that I cannot for the life in me put together. I have exhausted every thought, approach and plan that I can conceive and I just cannot make a damned thing go.

As I delve into this observation for the insight it hides I find patterns and words that have followed me through a frightening number of years.

It all begins in 1996. And, for the 17 years twixt then and now my life has twisted and turned, dived and dipped and flopped and flipped. I have gained much insight, developed many new skills, and given birth to a plethora of experiences…and…I have lost just as much along the way.

I have been blessed with inspiration upon inspiration and vision after vision. Each of which I have tried in vain to breathe life into. No matter how far down a particular path I may be fortunate enough to travel, I inevitably encounter its dead end.

Though at times I have been weighted and worried I have never really let any one blocked path deter me. I would simply head back from whence I came until I stumbled upon a missed opportunity.

I found that time and time again, as I maneuvered my way through this labyrinth of experience I would sooner or later find myself on the other side of some obstruction I had long ago forgotten, haphazardly tripping over the very fruits I had pursued. But I have never found my way out. I am caught, trapped near the center – evading and avoiding the Minotaur.

There really is such a thing as trying too hard.

So…I am throwing in the towel.

Believe me when I tell you that that statement holds an entirely different meaning now then it did a week ago. A week ago, if I did not have daughters that I could not live without, I would have been outta here…one way or another.

But I am anchored, tethered to the torment that is mine, by the chains of Love.

For far too long I have been trapped, and rotting, in the quicksand of my existence. Desperately I have tried to escape only to find that I have been sinking further and further down.

So I am throwing in the towel. I am going to give up the struggle and allow the pit to swallow me whole, sinking as deep as I can until I see for myself what truly lies on the other side.

This does not mean anything you might think it means. (I promise you that.)

Things have gotten so chaotic and out of control that there is no quick fix or easy way out.  I am not speaking so much about these past many years (though it would apply) as I am the events of the past several weeks. However, the solution to both may just very well be found in the same plan.

I am throwing in the towel. I am giving (it) up.

As a spiritual man this pattern has left me in a quandary. For so long I have tinkered and toiled and trudged along trying to live and be and thrive and survive. Though not one thing has completely ceased, everything has failed.

It challenges the faith.

So…I am throwing in the towel. I am tearing down and rebuilding on whatever is left. For out of chaos must always come order. It is the core of every creation story ever told. From this moment forward there is no need, nor expectation. Not mine. Not another’s.

There is only the moment and whatever the moment may bring. As I continue forward (since there really is no choice) I am going to do whatever feels right at the time. I am not planning a single day or thing to do.

I will work to tie up loose ends and resolve the unresolved. I make no promises as to when it will be done. I will maintain a flow of income, but I cannot guarantee how great it may be, nor, for that matter, how much of a pittance. I am going to clear out all of the old and unneeded so I can make room for the new and desired.

All of this chaos ensues just a few short imaginings after a prayer – a prayer for completion, for peace, for advancement – for whatever it is I have been missing. I asked and I have received. I sought and I have found. And, when the time is right, I shall knock on the door of the future that is mine and it shall open.

But, for now, I am but a moment.

(It tests the Faith…presssscioussssss…)

And so The Quest is on once more.

(I guess you really should be careful what you wish for…)

I hope life finds each of you well.

From here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev., wishing you Peace, Love, Light….

and Freakishness, Baby!