Another Day Unlike Any Other

 

Thursday, May 30, 2013; 0702

So here we are – Day 2, a 5 day.

Day 2=5

Day 1=22

No matter how many times I do it, it never fails to intrigue me.

It should go without saying that yesterday did not really go as planned. I did get done the miniscule list of Things-To-Do, but along the way there visits and check-ins and who knows what else. I always find it fascinating – the places I go, things that happen, and revelations revealed – on a day I have ‘given up.’

The first thing to come from this Journey so far has been these writings. I really do find it important to document the Journey of Life, record it’s data for future reference. I almost sat down to write a second time yesterday, but I decided that, for now, it is best to keep it routine, and only routine.

I managed to get all of my “information” in order – finances, emails, assignments, etc. Well, ok…maybe not ALL….but, still. That alone ended up shifting any plans I thought I had made for the next several days. Certain jobs must be done by tomorrow, some need to be revisited from several weeks ago. Some still need to be done from several weeks ago.

Currently, I have three commitments for tomorrow. Exactly how that all plays out I am not sure. As for today, I really have no clue. I know what I would like to do – what I think I should do – but judging by the flow of the current groove I don’t see that happening. I’m OK with that…

Oh…wait…that’s right…

There we go. Much better. (Font Change, in case it doesn’t play that way on your end.)

I’m OK with it as long as something gets done. I am not attached to what it must be. Everything is in such discord and there are so many matters to take care of that any thing done is an accomplishment and a step in the right direction.

The best description I have found so far for the experience of the past few weeks is – My life swelled ferociously…and then imploded onto itself.

This actually led to a moment of Revelation. Isn’t that the natural cycle of things? We live. Life swells in a fury of activity. Then, we cease.

It got me thinking about things like stars and wormholes and black holes. Stars can implode. My understanding is that we believe this to create other celestial phenomena and curiosities.

Then I thought of our own sun and sky as we know it – the creation of such. Doesn’t it stand to reason that perhaps after the star implodes, creating all sorts of unexplorable ‘holes’, that a similar phenomena occurs on the other end of things? Isn’t it logical, perhaps even a law of physics, that an implosion is something “exploding” into itself. It brings with it the same power and pressure. That force will continue inward until it can no more.

Then it only has one direction left to go.

BAM!

Like pulling back on a slingshot, as tense and taut as can be, and then releasing.

Then I realized that we see this very same experience in our own personal lives. For as long as we live and thrive and strive, our lives continuously go through this process.

Usually it happens a bit at a time – in one area or another. Perhaps you move, or change jobs, or relationships. Whatever it is the process is still the same. We activate and engage. We live and experience and dream and reach. Then we either continue expanding, or we realize we can go no further.

Apply that process to those things I listed, or to any life shifting experience/choice. You meet someone. There is an attraction. You hang out, you engage, you pursue. It goes well. It swells with emotion and passion, moments and experience. And, inevitably, it comes to the point where I either it evolves or ends.

If it evolves you become a couple. Still expanding, but together. Yet, still on your own as individual components of a greater mechanism.

If it can not evolve and continue to expand and grow, then it must end.

Replace relationship with a job or career. You start, you get involved. You learn and hone skills and grow. Eventually, you can grow no more and you seek the next outlet. Perhaps it is a promotion or merely a lateral move. Maybe it is a different company or an entirely different career path. No matter what it is, it must be. And, what is must end.

If we reach the end and make not the changes needed, the force of expansion will continue pushing. With no place to go it eventually collapses under pressure.

This is how we find ourselves having horrible break-ups and layoffs and inexplicable, ill-timed accidents and sicknesses. We stay in an experience, attached and involved, well beyond what we realize is workable. We use a multitude of reasonings. It is the right thing to do. It is the responsible thing to do. I love him (or her.) All the while we are excusing it the tensions and pressures mount. Eventually, it destroys itself.

But, when it all collapses, no matter how far we fall, how deep the hurt, or dark the experience we always bounce back. We always bounce back stronger and more vibrant.

It is the cycle of the Phoenix. It is the story of the Underworld.

We don’t tend to perceive it in such dramatics because it is, again, usually this or that, one thing or another.

Occasionally, though, we have the blessed misfortune to have this happen across the board. A life changing event when everything we know ceases and then begins anew.

Then I realized that I have been living this phenomena. For many years I have been living it. But not the way I thought.

When things fell apart last week and I realized the mess I was in I assumed I was to the point of implosion. It was a logical conclusion. No matter what I did last week I just could not set a single thing right. In fact, any move I made seemed to only make matters worse.

By mid-week I had decided it was time to stop resisting what was obviously going to happen one way or another. Let the implosion begin.

But it hasn’t been what I expected. I am not feeling worried or anxious or concerned. I am not riled nor ruffled. I do not feel lost or hopeless. In fact, for the first time in a very long time I feel at peace and in control. (In as much as we really ever control anything.)

I wasn’t beginning the implosion. I was ending it.

My implosion happened at ‘Annie.’ That is when my life collapsed and my existence began to cease. That is when reality as I knew it changed. Everything. By the time the force that was that show ended I had lost all of my jobs, all of my connections, any credibility I had managed to build over the years, my car and my best friend and brother for life.

I began to fall, fast and hard. For almost ten years I have been falling, clawing and scratching at the blackness around me in vain.Desperately trying to keep from falling any further.

I have gone as far down as I could go, and further than you may imagine.

When the shit hit the fan last week that was not me ‘giving in’ but ‘giving up.’

I’m bouncing back.

This is how it has been for several days – revelation upon deep, intense revelation. One right after another and so intimately connected.

I had on the other night. I was watching a Cirque Du Soleil movie with the girls. First, let me say that it was an absolutely amazing and brilliant performance on everyone’s part. As a past Thespian myself, I found it quite orgasmic. I think I may have even creamed myself.

But that was not the revelation. I sat watching awed and spellbound at the visual and technical masterpiece this was. It brought to mind a theatrical production of my own that has been tucked in a jar on a shelf. Every so often I take that jar down and tap on the glass lightly. Stir it up. I’ve even been known to open the lid and give it a chance to breathe.

Yet, there it sits, unformed and unknown.

As I watched the movie, being pulled into the Aerialist’s on Wonderland I realized that perhaps it was not shelved because it was never meant to be, but because I was willing to sell it short to make it so.

I was willing to ‘trim the fat’ as it were to just make it happen. I would trim down the set or the lights to put it up in any theatre that would house it. I was actually willing to try to squeeze 10 lbs. of shit into a 5 lb. bag.

These people were doing exactly what I want to do. They were telling a story (an amazing one at that.) And, they were using sound and light and movement and flow and illusion to bring it across.

This is my vision. I know the music. I know the story. But if it were to be done it would need to be done right. It can be, but it must be big. It has the potential to be an ecstatic journey for audience and performers alike.

Why force it to be anything but?

This is why I had given up writing. It matters not when I sit to write, nor for how long my fingers tap away, there is always more to say. I could prattle on for days and still not completely fill you in on what really goes on ‘inside’ Geistopia.

So, before I end today and head off to rummage through the rubble once more, looking for whatever usable and buildable pieces of the day it may hide, let me leave you with this.

For some time now, long enough that it is notable, I have been under the care and watchful eye of two particular totems. They have not been shy or discreet about this in any way. They make their presence known daily and often. It is not pictures or allusions either. It is straight up totem appearance. They are the Rabbit and the Cardinal.

I thought perhaps before we close out today it would be interesting to look at what they may want.

The Rabbit’s keynote is: Fertility and New Life.

The Cardinal’s is: Renewed Vitality Through Recognizing Self-Importance.

Of course, these are just general summaries of the multitude of energies and medicines they carry. At a perusial glance these are the other messages they hide:

Both are year-round critters and therefore their message/power is as well.

There is a rhythm of 12 and a cycle of 28 days.

A dual note to be aware of and change the diet.

So that’s all the news that is the news….who would of knew.

From here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev., wishing you Peace, Love, Light and Freakishness.