Who Bleu Askew

 

Wednesday, May 29, 2013; 0430

How fun that today is a 22.

I must confess that this moment by moment thing has been quite intense and unpredictable. I wish I could take the sensations in my mind and just project them onto the page. I’m not sure there are words appropriate or descriptive enough.

In this moment I am writing. I am writing because it is time to write. 

Perhaps it is time to write because I think I have something to say. Maybe I believe there is something I need to read. Or could it be that I am writing simply because writing makes me feel good? (Do the subtler motivations really even matter?)

I do not know why this moment is the one in which I write. I only know that I am writing.

I know that last night the thought hit me to start keeping a journal once again, for a journal is an indispensable tool and resource on any journey.

It marks the way over time.

For me, keeping a journal is one of those "”Back in da day’ moments.

Back in da day – when I was first setting out on this journey, when I was first learning and re-experiencing – I would journal every day. The time of day varied over those first many years. At times I would write in the morning as I am now. Other times I would do it at the end of my day. And for a spell it was a fairly spontaneous happening – when and where it pleased.

I do not know if there is a better time of day to write or not, but I do believe it is a moment that deserves routine and commitment. It does so much to lift and cleanse the mind, the heart and the soul.

And in that I find yet another new revelation – elementary as it may be. Or perhaps it is a former knowing, re-visited.

There are so many levels and layers to life and living. Some are very ‘in your face’ – right here, right now. Some are subtler, slowly and slyly washing their influence over us.

In the frenzied hurry of being we can easily lose sight of what is right before our eyes.

How often does one truly contemplate the depth and breadth of it all, the scope and magnitude of being.

We arise in the morning and set off into our day. We move about and task and toil. We fix and feed and follow-up.

We do.

In doing, we are be-ing. Human being. A physical being being all on can be.

But perhaps this is not the moment for that. There is so much more to the revelation. It goes deeper than I am leaving it for the moment.

Here, I am changing fonts. (At least on my end, during the writing process. Who knows how it actually appears on your end.)

And here I find an observation that lends itself to the previous revelation and then I think of my latest ‘Observation.’

There Is No One Single Moment

Every single moment is merely the culmination of so many other moments – before it and beside it.

This moment, right now, the one in which we are sharing has only come to pass because there have been a multitude of moments – choices, decisions and such – that have brought us here. Yours and mine.

I am in this moment, writing, because in past moments I came to see value and purpose in it. I am in this moment, marking the journey, because I see great shifts and changes happening around me – each with their own string of moments.

You are here, now, reading this because some moment moved you to do so.

A multitude of experiences and thoughts and feelings created this into the moment you have chosen.

Each physical moment is built upon innumerable mental, emotional and spiritual moments.

As time passes, moments become blurred, forgotten, confused. They shift and shape and re-form based on convenience and need. We forget how the moment came to pass in the first place.

I have had so much going on of late. Not just over the past several weeks, or few months, but in the time since my last writing. I sometimes think that my challenge in WTML and the sort is that I can never keep up with the experience.

Everything happens so quickly. I am lost in the Sea of Existence. My vessel rocks and tosses about as each wave of being swells and that falls.

There is a storm, like many storms before.

No need to panic. Merely batten down the hatches, lose some dead weight, keep your senses about you and remain aware of the nature of the moment.

And you will find that this storm, too, shall pass.

Or perhaps it has and I am sighing that moment of relief as the Sun breaks through the haze left behind. For, today, I begin repairs.

I must begin to clean up the mess that has been left behind over the past few weeks. (Or so I tell myself.) It was one moment upon another upon another and then suddenly…..BOOM!

An implosion.

Everything collapsed upon itself – tearing down what had been painstakingly built up. Perhaps I was reaching to high into the heavens.

Everywhere I look there is rubble – pieces of the whole of my life strewn and piled about. If there is a part of me surviving it is buried beneath the crumbled stone and mortar of my past.

The Pillar asked, “What do you do when you break something?”

Why…fix it, of course.

Fixing does not always mean repairing. It could mean replacing. Or maybe it becomes recycling, finding new use and purpose. Sometimes, it even means just tearing the rest of something down, eliminating it and forgetting it had even been there.

Today is the first day of the Journey home. I will set sail, assessing the damage as I go. I will do my best to keep myself on course, doing what I must and accomplishing what I can, and I will see which port I find myself in tomorrow.