A Week in the Life of...
Tonight
Sunday, April 17, 2016
9:50 PM
Tonight I feel peace.
Tonight I feel as though things are in a state of perfection.
Tonight I feel as though tomorrow I will wake into a whole new world.
Monday, Monday
Monday, April 18, 2016
7:56 PM
I need to write, but I don't really want to. I'm very tired and worn out. The day was nothing like I had planned, but when is it.
I struggled with my 'addictions' today, especially the Daemon's favorite. It was a definite set-back, but a learning experience at the same time. I need to change my routine right from the moment I wake in the morning.
I sent out some feelers for jobs and tried to do some applications, but neither of them worked for me. At that point I shifted gears and moved to painting the deck. I'm glad it worked out that way. It took longer than I would have thought.
The Professor stopped by for a visit. That was both unexpected and pleasant.
I had a nice little vision quest along the way.
I got a call for Reiki tomorrow.
There was also a great energy of 'love' and abundance in the day. Something is definitely afoot. I chuckled to myself as I thought, "Perhaps God is going to pay me for the last 18 years of service. Lol.
Now I must go to sleep. I am worn.
Timeless Tuesday
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
11:44 PM
I realized earlier that it is technically a 'Day Before' for me, which suddenly shed light on the whole of the day. It was my "A-Ha!" moment of the day. It totally explained all the energies of the day - how things happened, when they happened, the way in which they happened. It explains all of the thoughts and revelations.
This day happened so perfectly well that I can't even say where it went. I remember starting it…
…and now here I am.
I was thinking about a comment I recently received on Facebook. It was in response to the 'Do I take the job' quandary. It was polite enough, in its own way. It was definitely to the point. And, as I thought on it today, so much came to light for me.
First, how easy it is for us to be fooled (or foolish.) So often, we hold thoughts towards others - little judgements. And, it is just as easy for us to put on a face and never let it show…until one day it leaks out. We all do it and we all fall prey to it. Somewhere in our lives we are the victim and somewhere we are the perpetrator.
And we are fooled.
We are fooled as the victims because we tend to believe the façade. We choose to believe the façade. If we look we can see the truth before us. It always shows through, sometimes in the littlest of ways.
We are fooled as the perpetrator because we think it doesn't show. We believe we manage (and hide) it well. We think it doesn't leak into our lives, poisoning and contaminating them. It does. It always does.
We are fooled because we think, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if we look upon another and judge them for this or for that. We can so easily brush it off because, after all, "It's just my opinion." Besides it doesn't really hurt anyone, does it?
Does it?
The more I thought on this the more I began to wonder just how many people in my life may have their "opinion." How many people look at my life circumstances and cast forth a judgment. Perhaps only behind closed doors. How many think I need to do 'this' or change 'that?' How many may think how lost or misguided I must be?
Then I had a deeper realization.
Out of all those people (and we know there is at least one)….but, even that one has never come to me and asked me. No one has ever come to me and asked me.
You are almost 44 years old. You live in your parents house and have no bed of your own. You cannot maintain a steady income and can barely keep yourself afloat let alone propel forward. Your body is worn and decaying. It is so much older than it should be at this point. You haven't had a relationship in almost a decade. How do you feel about that? How does it make you feel? What do you think? How do you get through a day? What even makes you want to wake up in the morning?
It sucks. I fucking hate it. At times it has been a miserable fucking existence. Like being on some very painful level of Hell. Many a night I did not want to wake up in the morning just so I could feel like shit all over again. Everything I do, everything I try just seems to end up at the same dead end. Over and over and over again.
It fucking sucks.
So how do I get through it?
I just get up and try to make the most of it. I look for blessings wherever they may hide. I try to be functional and as productive as possible in any given moment. I accept that it is what it is. I'm not proud of it but it’s what I've got. Until I have something else. So, I take it as it comes. I strive to make the most of every moment or experience. I pray to be the best person I can be at all times. I make the most of what I have and I go into the world trying to spread a little love and spirit.
Then I had even deeper revelations….It's all just a reflection.
When we are(or feel) judged by another it is usually just some kind of an extension of something we already think or believe about ourselves. I've thought about all of the things this person had written. I've thought about my (lack of) job situation. I've thought about my income and where my life is at this stage. I have let it beat me down more often, and in more ways, than I ever care to really think about. There have been times it has driven me out of my mind. It has so very often led me down dark paths of despair and depression. I have thought about what it is I teach my children and whether or not I am a good father. I have not always been so certain of either.
When we judge another we are seeing a different type of reflection of ourselves. We are usually looking through the eyes of pride. So, either we see how much better we are and therefore we can look down. Or, we are seeing something we are afraid of, something we may not understand.
It is very easy to look at a person with no money, no job, no home and see that person as less. He has less therefore he is less. It is very easy to sneer at them in the security of your good paying job, your education, yours home and family. It is very easy to pat yourself on the back for having these things, for accomplishing so much.
It is also very easy to forget that just one moment can change all of that - take it all away.
That's all it takes. Just one moment. I've talked to these people. I have befriended them in towns across America. Every single one of them has a story. Each of them was someone before they were where I found them. They had educations. They had jobs and homes and families. Then just one moment took it all away. It can happen to anyone at anytime.
Only once in all those years did I ever have someone tell me that he literally just woke up one day and decided he had had "enough of this shit." He packed a bag and left it all behind - job, home, family. It was a choice…but it was also just one moment.
An impoverished life is not a choice for most people. It happens to you. Yes, sometimes it happens through choices made. But, we all make poor choices from time to time. (Actually, they're all poor choices. It's just that some of them actually work out well.) But it's not a choice to have an error in judgement or fuck up along the way. It just happens. Shit just happens. Sometimes it happens big and sometimes it happens sporadically along the way. Sometimes it happens to go good. Sometimes it happens to get much worse. But…It just happens.
Just because someone isn't winning the war does not mean that person isn't fighting. It something you must battle everyday. As long as you wake up you must face it. You have to deal with it - one way or another. You set out to win or die trying. Sometimes, you win by giving in, by accepting what is and not trying to make it anything else.
There was this little old homeless Jewish guy in Santa Cruz. I totally fell in love with him. He was just such good spirit and an absolute pleasure to be in the presence of. I sat and drank coffee with him a few mornings. He accepted where his life had come to. He accepted how it got there. He accepted his short comings. He accepted that he was unable to change it. But, he made the most of it.
He kept to himself for the most part. Stayed out of trouble. He was polite and courteous in every moment. He had made nice with several neighbors in a development and they allowed him to create gardens in their yards. He had 'nothing'…but he was not 'less than.'
Sigh. I think that is all for tonight…well…morning. (now.) I do not know where I will sleep tonight but it is going to feel so good when I get there.
I'm kinda looking forward to tomorrow. Perhaps visit with a friend. Definitely get the deck painting done. Just get up and make a go of it once more.
I feel good about it all.
What a 'Day Of' Wednesday
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
9:14 PM
I am typing this in bed. I am so worn from today. Well, and last night. I only got like 3 hours of sleep and then painted the deck all day.
I am so wiped out I just need sleep. But, I wanted to at least acknowledge my day. I had hoped to write more tonight. I don't think it's happening.
It was a really good day
AMEN
The Morning of 'The Day After'
Thursday, April 21, 2016
7:03 AM
Holy crap!!!
I hit the bed last night and couldn't move. I was just so worn out…all over - mind, body and spirit.
I like days like that. I like when it sneaks up on you. Or, like yesterday, when it slowly builds over the day and you know at the end of it you are going to completely collapse, yet you keep going. Somehow you push through and you just do. I could feel it late in the day. It was about 1500 when I could really start to feel just how sore and worn I was. But I managed to get through the tail end of the project. I kept going. Once I stopped, I was done. I knew that would happen but it was so right when it did.
All of yesterday was fairly perfect. Everything started and ended at just the right times. Everything flowed evenly from one point to the next.
I had more revelations yesterday.
The first was just that - I have revelations. It wasn't so much that I have them but how and when. It's when I do work like I did yesterday. It's when I can put myself into something and just do it without distraction. It's when I can be in touch with the Spirit of my environment. It's when I can just 'be.' It's when I'm here.
Geistopia is my monastery.
That was part of the revelation as well, I suppose. I kept thinking all day about monks. This is precisely why they live in monasteries. Their craft is Spirit. That is who they are and what they do. It is their path, their calling, their job. But the only way to really do that job is to be away from the distractions of the world. Only then can you hear the true voice of Spirit. Only then can the prime nature of reality be seen.
Of course, not everyone can do this. Just as not everyone can work on a car, build a cabinet or perform surgery. It is why we need people to do these things for us. It is why we need those who can engage Spirit to do so for us.
[That all sounds very wrong. I know what I mean but I can not put words to it at the moment.]
The point being, just as surgeon needs an operating room, a Spiritualist needs a retreat - a monastery. Geistopia is mine. And, it's the perfect kind too because there are so many energies about and so much going on. There are many tasks and projects. Each using different skills and teaching different lessons.
The second revelation was in regards to the "job" thing.
Is it important that I have a "job" or that I am generating income? (I suppose the answer depends on who is asked.)What is a "job" but a form of income. Some may say it is a career and a future. But the career is not defined by the job. The job is defined by the career. But that's another analysis altogether.
I've had jobs. A job doesn't really guarantee anything. I had two jobs once and still couldn't afford the apartment I was living in. There were weeks I had no food.
For the past two weeks I have generated income. The first week I manifested in thirty minutes of time almost the same amount I was manifesting in eighteen hours of filling vending machines. In a way I made about the same because I was driving up gas to do it. This week I managed a hundred dollars in about 3 hours of focus, with about an hour of actual work.
In both instances the amount generated was Just Enough.
Just Enough to pay the bills for the week. Just Enough for gas in the van. Just Enough to manage the girls. Just Enough to get through the week. (And, that is all that is promised.)
Could I really ask for more? Isn't that the point? Isn't that why we get up and do whatever we do each day, to make sure we at least have Just Enough? In the last two weeks I am only about ninety dollars shy of what I would have made in the same two weeks with this last position. Unlike that position, I also had the time to take care of things around here. Big things that needed to get done. Things that will ultimately make a difference.
Which brings Revelation 3 - That's work too.
When I do things like the replace the garage roof, or paint the deck, I am providing my skills. These are things I have learned over the years - jobs I have had. I am technically providing 'Service.' One could argue that it is stuff that needed to be done. This would be a true enough argument. However, taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, cleaning, these are things I consider as needing to be done. These are the things we can all do and therefore should do. But things like the roof or the painting, these are things that very often require hiring someone to do. Or, in the case of the deck, would require a great deal of painstaking time. (And, time is money.)
The point being, I am earning my keep. I saved them in both instances. I heard my father comment at dinner last night about how much it would have cost them to have someone come and paint that deck. Now, again, they were going to paint it but that is hard on my parents physically and my mother and sister don't really have steady availability for such things. (They still haven't completely transitioned Geistopia back from Christmas.) So I saved them money.
I saved them money with the roof. I saved them a great deal of money doing that garage roof.
Well…A Penny Saved is A Penny Earned.
I saved them money…and I earned my keep. I earned things like some food, or the use of the electric.
I know how that may sound to some, but it is a very basic concept. Provide a service [sermon] receive an offering.
The Buddha taught this and his monks still practice it today. Do the work and receive your gift. Accept what is given and ask for nothing more.
Jesus and his disciples practiced this. They earned their keep everywhere they went. The communities they visited were not only blessed by their teachings, but also by their labors. They worked, they assisted. They relieved both spiritual and physical burden.
My family also receives that boost. They have the added benefit of my spiritual presence. I do more spiritual work around here than anyone could ever really imagine. I am constantly cleansing and blessing, shifting and transmuting. Some weeks it is a daily exercise. I have been fortunate of late to witness just how potent that work can be in the transformation of our physical lives. [It was what my Reiki Master meant when she said, "You hold that house together."]
So, for now…I am content. I am at peace.
For now, I will continue to move through all of this the best that I can. For now, I will take it as it comes.
I am on a course, a path. I can feel it beneath my feet, but I know not where it leads or what I will encounter along the way.
[7 months Sept to March.]
For now, I will be grateful for what I receive. As I said, for two weeks, the important things have been covered. And, as it stands currently, next week I will earn at least enough to cover my car insurance. Perhaps even a little towards gas. What is interesting about next week is that I am still left with quite a bit to generate. But that is where faith comes in and is quite possibly the point to the exercise.
I will continue to let the days unfold as they choose to. I will have no attachment, nor will I set any expectations. I must just 'be.' And, I must 'know' that each moment is leading me where I am going. Sooner or later I get there.
(When one is lost in the forest he does not follow the path leading towards deeper darkness.)
Later That Evening
Thursday, April 21, 2016
8:18 PM
Yes. This was a good day. I feel good about it. So far, I have accomplished everything I set out to do. It all seemed so perfectly timed, as has been the case lately.
I got the upstairs cleaned and organized. It just needs the floors done in the morning. The deck is completed (for now.) All of the lights we have are up and working. There is still one more to get. The tools from the project have been cleaned up except for two paint pans which are soaking real good. I got all of the trash together and out. I sorted and organized my papers and all of the stuff in the family room. Right now, I am just waiting to begin my cleaning downstairs. I have about 2 more hours to go.
I feel good overall. I feel very good. I truly enjoy and appreciate the process I am enduring at the moment. Never did I think it would be like this. I haven't had my limits pushed or horizons broadened this much since the beginning. And, the thing is…it all makes sense. Every moment of it.
It does make me wonder if there is trouble around the corner. I'm not worried, or afraid. More…curious. I would have expected more torment and torture from a Daemon of this magnitude.
Perhaps, it is just as simple as I was ready for this. It certainly isn't like there are no moments of discomfort. There have been plenty. But, they have come in the form of realization. Moments of facing the self - deep in the swamps of Dagobah.
For instance, one of my revelations yesterday was that I am more judgmental and…rough around the edges than I realized. It's a hard pill to swallow being told that you are a harsh prick. (Even that is a sort of harsh way to put it.)
The simplest summation of it all is - Just remember everyone is just trying to 'be.'
People's is people's.
Be more forgiving. Be more understanding. Be inspiring and encouraging.
It's not that I do not already strive for these things. I have just realized that I can stretch higher.
More patience.
I realized most of this while working with Big 'D' on the deck. I'm not sure what it was exactly that triggered the thought. It just hit me, and has sort of stayed with me ever since.
More on Reflections - When I did my Reiki session the other day there were messages for the person, some guidance as it were. I find in retrospection that I could also apply that to areas of my life. It was a Reflection of myself in a moment.
Today the revelations were more about the energy of it all. I suppose it is somewhere a base or idea in Feng Shui and matters of the sort.
I was thinking about the home and property. I realized that each space has it's own life. Every space is an extension of the self, but each individual space is a particular extension. So, in order to understand and manage the energies of a home, one must first come to realize the life of each space.
For instance, in Geistopia the kitchen is sort of the center of things. It is the hub of activity and gathering. Everyone starts their day there. It's where the family gathers to eat. It is where we play games and do special moments like birthdays. It is the room in which most guests are received and entertained. This is the way it has always been.
The dining room is like the heart of it all. It is the center of the house and the room that feeds or is fed by all. But this is the room that is used for grander entertaining - holiday dinners and larger gatherings.
Incidentally, the energies are off in both these rooms currently.
On a larger scale -
The cave has a very different life than the garage. It serves a different purpose. It is utilized, and therefore, maintained differently. The garage is different from the garden shed. The garden shed different from the workshop. Even in the yard, the same thing happens. The front porch/yard, is very different from the deck. The front porch is actually very unique in that it is constant and consistent. The front porch is a great place for just sitting and being. I have found that it works great any time night or day. It is always quiet, peaceful…still.
The deck can be quiet, but it is also a hub of activity. It is how all come and go from Geistopia. It is more open to all.
The garden is very different from the lot to the side of the house.
Everything has it's place and purpose. Each functions differently.
It is how it should all be utilized and maintained…and evolved.
Well, I think it is just about a safe time for cleaning.
I am ready for tomorrow. I am uncertain about tomorrow, but I am ready for it. I am uncertain because for the first time in like two weeks my day has not really been laid out for me in advance. I do not know what to expect. I have no definite direction. .
I know I must finish the cleaning in the morning and be over to pick up the girls at 1615. Beyond that it is really kind of up in the air.
I plan on looking to see if that work from the beginning of the week is still available and if I can make it work advantageously tomorrow.
I have a collection of stuff to be sold - yard sales or online. I May start working through that to get some postings done. Otherwise it is just potential income that is doing nothing. Besides, once the posts are prepared and up they are working. I can do other things, but they are still working.
Even Saturday, Sunday and Monday are fairly clear, but I got nothing on tomorrow.
So, in the meantime, I am just going to do my best to live as directed. Right now my instructions are to slow down. To really slow down and be aware of, attentive to, each moment and experience. To slow down and accomplish what I can without feeling like I need to get it all done at once.
I am to accept and trust the process of be-ing. I must have faith.
I must be genuine and sincere in all. (Right Thought. Right Word. Right Action.) I must project love.
I must be grateful for all that is…and all that was, even the less desirable parts. I must give thanks for the tomorrow that will be just as perfect as the today or the yesterday.
Full Moon by the way.
[I feel as though this process may be coming to a close. It's as though pieces are in place and things could change dramatically…and abruptly.]
P.S. I am also currently being asked to revise and finalize my 'Right Now' list. This is a list of what I need 'Right Now' to help me keep moving towards the future. It is a varied list. There are bills to pay, and tools or supplies to get, and things with which I would just like closure.
Friday, My Day
Friday, April 22, 2016
10:31 AM
It's actually much later in the day now. 1430.
[Pause for late devotion.]
I wanted to take the time to write now because who knows what tonight will be like once the girls get here.
Last night was very rough when I went to bed. There were a great deal of energies drawing on me. It was, really, almost like tripping…or having had way, way, way too much to drink. Everything was very fluid and moving. Every time I awoke I felt as though I needed to get grounded. I know whatever it was was good. That much I can recall. I just can't recall any of the information.
I know I was having visions. I know I was very aware of them at the moment. But, the minute I would come back I would seem to lose any cognizance of the experience. I woke up good this morning. It took me a while, but I did get up…and I felt very good when I did.
I got my cleaning completed.
Then I just seemed to lose it. I needed to rest and just unwind. I realized then just how hard this week has really been on me. (How hard the whole experience has been.)
I think I may complete the Ten Dollar Task today. I'm feelin it.
I did my list last night. And, again today.
Perhaps I won't do it today. Whenever I think I'm feeling I become uncertain. The rules were clear. It cannot be a forced moment. It must happen naturally.
I made a second list today. It will be buried. Last night's was burned. I think I will add the fenugreek to it for a boost in power. That comes later tonight though.
I feel ready for whatever is next. I feel ready to move forward. I just don't know what that means at this point. Next week I have one job scheduled and then I will begin a serious job hunt. I have been wanting to do it every day for two weeks now but something always seems to interfere. When I 'feel' it out, it is never the thing to do. I can only imagine the Universe is stalling.
I'm ok with that. It has been a productive and beneficial time. I have had the money I have needed throughout it. Of course, this next week requires a great deal more. I cannot deny that there is a part of me that is nervous. What if I don't make it? Then what happens? But then…what if I do?
I am glad of the time and experience I have had over the past several weeks. I have been left with such a sense of Peace and Be-ing. I feel lifted up and seem to know just a bit more. I only hope that I can truly do something with it now.
Time will tell, I suppose.
(Just one year…)
The Final Day
Saturday, April 23, 2016
11:09 PM
So, this is my last entry for this particular leg of the Journey - 'A Week in the Life of…'
It was quite a week, too. It was just very intensive on all levels. So much going on at once. I am glad the deck got done. It made my week something I wasn't planning on but I'll take it. I feel good. I feel accomplished. I feel like something makes sense once more.
I feel ready to move forward…to own my life. (Whatever that may mean.)
I'm still in this sort of void. I have absolutely no idea what the week will truly hold. There are little fragments of schedules and traces of plans…but nothing concrete. Nothing that seems the answer everyone thinks I should be searching for. I will just face it for what it is. I will take it one day, one moment, at a time. Each as it comes.
It will be odd doing an entire week that way. I've done a day or so here and there but never a whole week. Once the girls leave I will be on my way towards "tomorrow." But I find I don't even care what it holds. I only wish to move through it peacefully and with 'Zen.'
I realized this week just how stressed I have been for such a long time. Then I thought on why. Here I have been stressing and worrying as I strive towards (and fail to achieve) a "normal" life - that life that everyone seems to say I should have. But, for at least 18 years my life has been anything but normal.
Perhaps that is why I have had so much difficulty. All this time I have been trying to make my life something it's not. All this time I have been trying to force things into play. (Like putting the square peg in the round hole.)
So, how different would it be if I just let things happen as they will?
From here in Geistopia, this is your Beloved Rev wishing you Peace, Love, Light and Freakishness...baby.
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