Maybe Baby
Princess Cuddlebug
Princess Sunshine
Craze & Co.
The Shaman
The Pillar
The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan
Andy Pandy
The Baker of the Cornbread
The White Rose
Professor Siggy Chong
Bert-On
Redds
Hoagie
The Van Man & General Ralph Glossop (May they R.I.P.)
Jojo Dancer
The Looch
Saint Diane…and You
My Salt N' Peppa
The Socialite
The Unc-countant
Osteen, the Son
Piz-Niffer
Dancing Queen
Downtown Encyclopedia Brown
Mama Rabbit
And, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not so much) wishes to remain anonymous.
It is an almost awkward morning here in Geistopia. The house is fairly quiet. It is the perfect way to start a 'Whole New Day.' I have a small list of things to do today, and I am slowly struggling my way through them. But it is a good kind of struggle. I am striving for consciousness…awareness. It's not just about 'doing' these things, but also about 'being' them as they get done. This, I believe, is the course for the next several weeks.
With the exception of two brief dinner nights, I do not have the Princesses again until next weekend. I also do not have anything in particular scheduled. Again, two small things - Sunshine's concert at school on Wednesday, and a trip to Saint Diane's to finish what was started before this week of rain set in.
That gives me almost two full weeks distraction free. (I also have a doctor's appointment on Monday.) In all I have five defined moments. Four are scheduled - One has its place. So what does one do with such time?
That is a good question.
I have so many answers - heal, create, complete, be, exist, shape, define, accomplish.
The main task before me is to slow down…and to focus. I am actually not very good at either of these things. I am so used to cramming my time and my creativity, accustomed to squeezing in here and there. So I have adapted to that. I currently tend to accomplish in bits and pieces. A lot of set-ups (and set-backs) followed by a push of success and completion.
For example, I set myself up for tasks as I go along - gathering, and planning, and preparing - waiting for that moment when I it can be done - one, two , three. I will set myself up to do multiple projects at once, jumping between them like Frogger crossing the highway.
There's nothing wrong with either of these things necessarily. It's in the follow through. I have been successfully scattered for a very long time and now it is time to reel it in and gain control. (This is not to say my scattered nature will dissipate completely - for it can not.) I need to take a very Zen approach to things (again.)
Be Here Now
Be-Here-Now
'Be' - Here (&) Now
Be Here…Now
(Be…Hear…Know)
Each Moment in its time. One by one the dominoes shall fall. I must remain in the moment - experience it fully. (Slowly…completely.)
I realize this morning that I am no longer aware of the stillness. Geistopia is always a frenzy of activity (and energy.) For so long now, I have been seeking refuge away from - outside of - this. Decades ago it was the bedroom - a place to escape and entertain. [Not what you think.] For the past several years I have been trying to get The Cave up to snuff. (I'd say "unsuccessfully' but the "trying" already implies that, does it not?)
The goal is not to escape it. Instead I must be the stillness within it. I must walk steady and slow and aware. (Just as I did long ago.)
I must wonder in the splendor of each moment, every task.
One Moment at a Time.
Now is the perfect opportunity to do so. Now is the time to get it together. (To 'Be' as I have always been.) Now is the time to finish what has been be-gun and complete the cycle. Now is the time to 'Be' what I 'Do.'
I received, what I am going to consider to be, Feedback this week. It was a message from The White Rose. It spoke of two things - allowing the Angels to override Free Will and the concept of a "Professional Victim.' This is a 'soul' that will not listen - no matter what 'others' may say/do to help. The 'Professional Victim' repeats the same cycle over and over and over again - the same situations, scenarios and stresses; the same problems, patterns and lack of progress.
Well, White Rose, here is my response to that message, and the experience as well:
After I received your message I did precisely as you said - I gave the Angels permission to override the Free Will. Granted, it was faint and half-hearted, but well intended. Also, unbeknownst to you, it would be the second time that day that I would do so. I had already said it once, having seen a similar message on your Facebook page just earlier that morning.
My faint-hearted statement, and lacking Will (which is different than Intent) was fueled by the realization that I have already [kind of] been doing just that. For months now I have been letting the Universe shape and define. [Which has been quite an experience.] Still, onward I went.
So, that was Tuesday.
Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday were filled with a deep(er) cleaning around Geistopia. It was a very intense process actually. Nonetheless, it was done and certain other cycles were finding their way to Completion & Return.
I'm fairly certain I said it one more time between Thursday and Friday. I just couldn't tell you when. But, on Friday, I got zapped. I got zapped hard. To be honest, it was pretty friggin' awesome. But it wiped me pretty good for the rest of Friday and most of Saturday.
Saturday I had a very intense and beautiful Spirit Quest.
And, today, I am doing my best to follow.
Along the way, though, I got to thinking about the 'Professional Victim.' I began to look to see if that is indeed what I had become, or perhaps always have been.
Maybe that is what I am.
But, then, Maybe it is what I chose…and, Maybe, I chose it for a reason.
Maybe it is a Lesson to be learned for 'Future (Re)Generations.'
Maybe it is karma for past ones.
Maybe it is "punishment" for sins or crimes in this life or another. Maybe it is what I must endure.
On the other hand, Maybe it is all self-imposed. Maybe I AM choosing the cycle over and over again. In that case, Maybe I haven't understood yet what is needed…Or, Maybe I don't want to.
Maybe it is not about me at all, but instead (as The Pillar once stated) about my daughters. Maybe they are getting the life experience they need to do what they must do in this life. Maybe they couldn't get it in any other way.
Of course, Maybe my Reiki Master was correct when she said, "You keep that house together." (I know what she meant, and she was so correct.) So, then Maybe I have been kept where I am with purpose. Maybe my family benefits more than any may be realizing by my presence.
Maybe they don't accept it.
Maybe I don't either.
Maybe we are caught in the cycle together. Maybe one side of things needs to break free from the cycle.
Maybe I need to return to 'The Vision.' Maybe I have allowed myself to forget what I knew then.
Maybe I need to finish what I have started.
Maybe I need to let go of pasts that were long ago and futures that may(be) not arrive.
Maybe I need to forgive - myself and others. (Our Trespasses.)
Maybe I need to love (and accept) the same.
Maybe my Life's Purpose has yet to be discovered. Maybe it will never be known by any but myself - and only then when I make that final voyage across The River.
Maybe it was all so I could be in certain places at certain times to accomplish certain tasks for Spirit. Maybe my life circumstances have been what they have been for a reason.
Maybe they will change.
Maybe they will not.
………
………
………
Maybe…I am delusional (and diluted.)
I really am no good at focusing on one thing. LMAO. I had to distract myself twice during this writing.
And, now, I must move to the next part of my day and Be It.
From here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev wishing you Love, Light, Peace...and Freakishness, baby.
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