Just Another Blog Post

Hey Gang!

Welcome to my life…

Where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within…

The Depths of Geistopiaaaaaaaaaa

Velcum to my Life ees a prochect, un experiment een Life unt ART, A liwing storyboard, if you vill. Eet’s premise ees zat you can, and do, experience za life you choose. Eet ees based on za Veel of Life unt za ARTs for za New Millennium as life building tools. Ya. Eet’s true.

Welcome to my Life is an ITV Studios/Geist…House production. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

FaeriePrincess

Berton

The VanMan (may he R.I.P.)

Osteen, the Son

The Faery-Taler

The Nameless One

Senior SwankyPants

The General

The White Rose

JoJo Dancer

The Socialite

Redds

Hoagie

Mudder

Mudslide Bill

The Cowboy

Danny Boy

The Balletic One

The Ziatonic Antagonist

Otto

Prof. Siggy Chong

Pasturizer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Mama Rabbit

And, of course, a very generous sponsor who pretends to want to be anonymous.

 

(*Semi-Legal mumbo-jumbo jargon fine print – my thoughts, my words. Bug off if you think you theivin’ them.*)

It is Sunday, September 28, 2014. Time….Expelling.

I struggle

I do. I struggle with everything…and for a very long time.

I struggle with work and finances. I struggle with my life circumstances. I struggle with my family and relationships. I struggle with place in the world. I struggle with being a good parent. And, lately, I have even been struggling with my Faith. I seem to struggle with everything lately.

I’m really not sure what to make of that.

Baby Steps

I know we have visited this Theme in the past, several times in fact. (That, of course, just brings into play another Principle, Repetition is Necessary.)  All of life is Baby Steps or One Step at a Time. A little more on this later.

Let it flow

In a certain way, this Lesson  is contradictory to what I have been trying to do lately. I have been attempting to regain control of my life and how it works. Yet, there is only so much we can actually control. I don’t really care who you are or what you think you have going for you or under control at any moment the Universe can through you a curveball. How many stories I’ve heard over the years of people losing jobs they’ve had for decades, or homes ravaged by disaster, or any other number of similar tales. We just don’t know everything. The only moment we can control is the present one. So all we can do is let life flow as it will and do our best to navigate our way along it, much as one would navigate the flow of a river. We can drift during the calm moments but we must steer and balance over the rapids. But…this is all we can do. We cannot change the direction of the river. We cannot change the rate at which it flows. All we can do is work with it. So, Let It Flow, and flow with it.

Feedback

Feedback has always been my favorite part of WTML, and also, the one I get to play with the least. I have long said that this is actually the most vital part of the project and have strongly encouraged folks to leave comments, questions and the like.

For Feedback this week I am only going to comment that I noticed that if you are reading this on some sort of mobile device you may be missing some of it. I was bored during the week and decided to take a look at my own post. I used my phone. I took one look at the post and thought, “Hey, that’s not right. There’s words missing.”

So…I just thought I’d let you know.

I have been very, very sick for the past several days. It is probably the worse bout with illness I can recall. I get sick. I just don’t generally get this sick for this long. Every day has been a struggle. I find the timing of it very interesting. Even though there are plenty of “real world” explanations for it, it’s so easy for me to put a Metaphysical spin on it. For me, a sickness like this can only mean one thing…I’m clearing shit out.

It started some time Wednesday night or Thursday morning. It wasn’t so bad on Thursday. But, by Friday I was out of commission. I woke at 3:00 Friday morning and all I could do for most of the day was lay on the couch. I managed at some point to get up and get to the store for some of the things for Sunshine’s birthday party, and later in the day got to the school to pick the Princesses up and get Cuddlebug to dance class. Other than that, I was down for the count. We were off to bed as early as I could manage it Friday night.

Saturday was a very long and rough day. I was up at 5:00. This isn’t a surprise because that is what I have been trying to do lately. I got up and set about my day. I got Sunshine off to Cheering, Cuddlebug to dance, finished shopping and setting up for the party, got the Princesses to another event and home just in time to tweak things and be ready to celebrate.

The party was a success and I am very glad of that. It was really the first ‘official’ party Sunshine had here at Geistopia. She had a wonderful time. There was lots of fun and activity. But, again, by the end of it all I was aching and worn out. I held my own pretty good but, when I was allowed to crash out, I did just that. I know at some point in the night Sunshine curled up next to me and said, “Daddy, you’re so warm.”

I was.

I was feverish and achy all night long. It was actually a miserable night of sleep. Though I did have a very intriguing dream….

I was joining some sort of group or organization. I don’t know what it was, though my conscious mind does seem to like to make assumptions on the matter. Anyway, there was a conversation between myself and some of the members.

“The 6th is the Key.”

Looking down at the lapel of what seemed to be a suit coat, I noticed a pin. It was the number 6. Then I saw a line or a list of some sort and the 6th space was empty. Obviously, it was waiting for me.

However, joining the group came with a price, a sacrifice if you will. (Interesting since 6 is apparently a number of sacrifice.

In order to join, they needed to cut off my left pinky finger at the second knuckle. Basically, half of the finger. I panicked and frenzied. I did not let them do it in the moment, but I continued considering the option. Whatever the group was, it was important enough for me to consider losing half a finger and enduring a great deal of pain to do so.

After doing some research on these little things, perhaps I should change the Theme of the week to Sacrifice. It has been a Theme. At least, for today.

The question is…Sacrifice what?

I certainly don’t believe that I am working the contrary end of that energy. I can’t imagine that I am sacrificing myself for someone/something that I shouldn’t be. (Wow…that kind of even sounds awful to say lol.) But, it’s true. I can’t see who, or what, I would be putting myself out for. Of course, it is always a possibility.

The pinky apparently represents the family and pretending. That does make it a little more interesting. I have come across 6 as a representation of the family as well. But, as I delve deeper, am I looking at my personal family or my global family?

These thoughts are too much for me to wrestle with at the moment so I will carry them with me and see what comes.

I am at the end of my first full week of the Freedom Challenge. There’s not much to report, and even if there were…I couldn’t. I do not wish to get too into the Challenge at the moment. I do not wish to dissipate its energy. Let’s just leave it at it is a process/project that I am working on.

Though it is starting a bit differently for me, I would hope that it is something that someone can make use of in the future.

For me, the beginning of the process has involved trying to re-establish some structure in my life. With the chaos of my existence as it has been, structure and order are not things I am very accustomed to for many years now. Most of my jobs have been ones in which I work when there is work available. My days have been free to flow as they will. Sometimes things get done and sometimes they don’t. It has been very easy for me to fall under the heading of “A guy just doping along.”

I don’t have a problem with this persona, per se. I think that that is just what we must do – dope along and let life be what it will. There is only so much we can actually control or guide. This is something I have definitely experienced over the years. No matter what I think is happening or what I can do next, life always seems to have other ideas.

So…I dope along.

This is not to say that we can be completely free. We must maintain some sense of order and accomplishment. That is where I have been lacking. I started looking at all of this because just two weeks ago, at the peak of a breakdown someone asked me what I could do differently.

What could I change?

I wasn’t sure of the answer then and I cannot say that I am certain of it now, but I am looking at things a bit differently. I am trying new, or perhaps even old, approaches to things. I am trying to clear my head of the confusion of it all. I am working towards clearing my being of the hurt and regrets.

I am famous for reliving my mistakes, over and over again. I suppose I truly am a guilt-ridden person. Even if there is nothing for me to feel guilty about.

So, I am trying to re-establish that routine in my life. It has been slow going. Bit by bit. Some days I get things dead on, others I miss a lot. I am doing my best to not get frustrated in this. Enter what is this week’s Theme.

It is all Baby Steps. That is the most we can hope for and there is nothing wrong with that. Take everything one step at a a time. Deal with what is directly in front of you and let the rest wait until you get there.

A newer advantage in this process is my current job. It may not be much but it is the first job I have had in several years that is structured – certain days and certain hours. It gives me something to build upon and around. Now it is just a matter of whether or not the rest of my life provides me something with which to build.

From here in Geistopia, for now and for always, I am your beloved Rev. wishing you…

Love

Light

Peace

and Freakishness.