3,985 words….

 

Hey Gang! Welcome to my life, where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m the Rev. Matt and I’ll be your host - Coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

Welcome To My Life is a project, an experiment in Life and ART. A living storyboard, if you will. It’s premise is that life is experiential and that you can, and do, experience the life you choose. It is based on the use of The Wheel of Life and The ARTs for the New Millennium as life building tools.

Welcome To My Life is an ITV Studios/Geist…House production. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

Professor Siggy Chong

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

C.T. Briggs

Bam-Bam

Berton

The Baker of the Cornbread

The VanMan (may he rest in peace)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Osteen, the Son

The Sitter

The White Rose

‘Punky Brewster’

The Fallen Angel

Sir Thomas

JoJo Dancer

Mr. Niceguy

Senior Swankypants

Da Boyz from da Hood

L’il Buff

The White Gurl

The Original Mr. Baggins

The Socialite

LisaLisa Monet

The Ziatonic Antagonist

Otto

Pasturizer

Piz

Dancing Queen

Mr. English

Mama Rabbit

And, of course, a very generous sponsor who no longer wishes to remain anonymous (Take a wild guess)

It is Sunday, September 11, 2011. Time…’Forgotten.’

I’m afraid I had to that on purpose, what with all the remembering we have been doing here in America today. I know my following few remarks will be considered blasphemous and perhaps even un-American. Please keep in mind that it is in no way intended to smear the memory of those who died and those who had risked their lives. It is however intended to stir the minds of everyone and perhaps honour the lives lost throughout centuries of senselessness.

As we remember the fallen towers today do we also remember the Crusades? Do we remember the armed forces left on holy ground well after The Soviet-Afghan war, which still traipse across and adulterate the land today? Do we remember the countless crimes against humanity that our own government, all governments and leaders, have committed all the while telling us they were for the greater good?

And as we remember, I ask you this – were the events of September 11, 2001 for the greater good? Who won? Which side was victorious? Who is winning ‘The War on Terror’ - ‘The Jihad against America?’ There was no victory in 9/11. It was tragic. It was devastating. But there was no victory.

It is my opinion that we are all merely fighting a war begun long ago by ancient, ignorant ancestors. Today, we all, both sides, just hang on to hatred, contempt and misunderstanding deep rooted in our cellular structures by a very dark period in human existence.

I have never read the Quran, though I did try once. (I found it about as interesting as Deuteronomy, Numbers and Leviticus.) However, it is my understanding that the Quran speaks of, teaches, the value of all life – much like the Bible.

When will we ever learn?

As I wrote the passages above, a quote kept running through my head. I wanted to look it up to be sure I attributed it to the correct person. As I did so, I found many quotes from many people throughout history that I found just as interesting and I think I wish to share them here. (Thank you QuoteGarden.com.) I’ll start with the one that called to me first:

You cannot prevent and prepare for war at the same time. ~Albert Einstein

All wars are follies, very expensive and very mischievous ones. In my opinion, there never was a good war or a bad peace. When will mankind be convinced and agree to settle their difficulties by arbitration? ~Benjamin Franklin

It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets. ~Voltaire, War

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake. ~Jeanette Rankin

Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. ~Ernest Hemingway

War does not determine who is right - only who is left. ~Bertrand Russell

In war, truth is the first casualty. ~Aeschylus

Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out... and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel.... And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for "the universal brotherhood of man" - with his mouth. ~Mark Twain

I could go on and on with these, but I think I will stop there, because I am sensible enough to know that these words will do no good, serve no purpose. Perhaps I will end this segment with a quote befitting my current state of mind:

Let those who have ears hear; Let those who have eyes see – The Christed One, Lord Jesus of Nazareth

My apologies. That rant was certainly not my intention when I sat down to write. I can only imagine that came from a more interesting and knowledable source. (wink, wink.)

I think war is on my mind today, not only because of the events of the last ten years, but because of things happening currently in my own life. Which brings me to Observation of the Week:

Everyone needs a ‘Bad Guy’

We all need someone to blame, someone to put it on. Every hero needs a villain. And, let’s face it, we’re all the heroes of our own stories.

This is not just an observation from this week, but one I have made several times in the company, and for the sake, of my daughters. While watching movies Makayla will often ask, “Daddy are wolves (grasshoppers, or whatever the case may be) really bad/mean?”

“Not really honey. I mean, if you provoke them. But in this movie the wolf (grasshopper, or whatever the case may be) is mean because every story needs a bad guy. “

It is a sad reality of our existence and one that I am ashamed to have to introduce to my daughters. Unfortunately, it is one they can see between their mother and I.

We have done nothing but fight for the past two weeks. Every moment, every opportunity – one of us will take it. And, it’s nothing important. I can’t recall one single argument we have had that has actually had any kind of real purpose behind it. We fight over who drives where and how far, who’s time it is with the kids, even car trouble.

WTF???

I will say this. I did send her a text tonight asking how we could make peace, what it would it would take. I have yet to get a response.

Meanwhile, on the home front, a new battle is brewing.

On Friday, the van stopped. Not officially but, for all intents and purposes, that is what we are going with. It’s the starter. I know this. I’ve known it for some time and quite frankly I am lucky that I have gotten by this long. Now, the truth of the matter is, I could go out and turn the key and it may very well start…or it may not. This has been happening for months.

Ironically, on Thursday I had gone to the garage I use to seek counsel on the matter – possible problems, cost of possible solutions to possible problems, etc, etc.

On Saturday, after things went awry, I texted a couple of friends who work on cars and asked where to go, what to look for, what to do and confirmed that at least one of them would make himself available to help me put the new starter in when I get it. Unfortunately, I cannot get it until Friday.

This morning when I came downstairs there were car books (van oriented) sitting on the kitchen table. I knew instantly where this was heading and I didn’t like it. Of course, I was absolutely correct. As the morning pushed on I would, from time to time, catch my father perusing said books. And, just as I was heading out to do some work today (because my parents are graciously allowing me to use one of their cars – they have 3) my father left the books and silently walked to the garage.

Again, I knew what would be next.

I got in the car and left. I stopped at Blockbuster to return movies and at the Exxon for my daily fix. But, before I would head to Reading to complete my work I had one more stop to make…and that would be back home.

Before I proceed, allow me to introduce this week’s Theme:

How much is too much? Where is the line?

At what point are you merely standing up for yourself…and where/when does that change into just plain old fighting? (Of course, this can be applied to Mama as well.)

I was absolutely right. As I pulled up the driveway, there was the van all jacked up with my father milling around, peering in and peeking under. I got out of the car and asked what he was doing.

“Checking things out.”

“Well, you don’t have to.”

“Neither one of us are mechanics, I thought I’d look at it and see what is involved.”

“Why? There’s nothing I can do about it until Friday.”

“We could take the old starter off now and then it’s done.”

Only, there is no we in this scenario. He had eliminated the ‘we’ when he set out on his own to do it. And that is only one of the things that prompted the next part of the exchange….

“Well…don’t. I don’t want you to. I have it covered.”

Of course, there were mumbles of discontentedness and aggravation. I even had to tell him a second time that I didn’t want him doing it. He reluctantly, and obviously disgusted, lowered the jack.

“Alright. Whatever.”

I could have let it go at that, but I offered him a bit of caring advice.

“Burden yourself with your own troubles.”

You see, my father is a very unhappy man. He makes no secret of this. Anyone who chooses to can see it on him. Furthermore, he is constantly griping and moaning, to anyone who will listen, that he has all of this ‘work’ that he just can’t get to. So…go do it. Don’t do this. I got it.

Perhaps as a mere reader you think I am being hard-headed or even mean. I, however, see it differently. I had to draw the line – for my sake as well as his. There are several reasons for this:

First – with all that has gone on, all the fighting and bickering and hatefulness between us, the last thing I want is for him to get involved. Mainly because, inevitably, this seemingly kind gesture of assistance will come back to haunt me. At some point in time, when someone has a bug up their ass, it will be thrown in my face.

“And what about the van…your father went out and fixed it for you”

True…but no one asked him to. In fact, if he had bothered to confer with me first he would have learned that I was well on my way to resolving the problem. Enter the other reasons for my dismissal of his services.

(These would be labeled ‘Second’ on through however many of them there are)

He didn’t confer with me. He took it all upon himself and kept me entirely out of the loop. In fact, he purposely waited until he thought I would be gone to even go out and start. You may think that I am just making assumptions, but that is what he does. That is his MO.

When the van went to the garage for the air conditioner I had asked to borrow $30 from my parents for the work, which would cost $60. The logic was $30 at a time is easy for me to come up with - $60 not always. He explained to me that they told him a simple recharge would be $60 but that they recommended a ‘full flush and recharge’ which would cost a lil over $100. I specifically told him not to do the latter. My reasoning was that I knew that was money that would be harder to pay back. He went behind my back and told them to do the full thing and then paid for it himself. This is the said same money that was thrown in my face a few weeks back when we debated smiles and happiness. That simple and silly debate turned into a fight (in front of others) that culminated with him pointing out to me how ungrateful I was for the money he had just given me.

R-r-r-r-r-ealllllllly?

The money I specifically said I didn’t want and was forced upon me.

Interesting.

Furthermore I find it fairly offensive and insulting that he would sneak behind my back and not discuss the matter with me as if he believes I am incapable of handling the situation. That is a big problem with my family. They (and some others) seem to assume I can’t do things. Or at least, that’s how they treat me. Ironically enough, perhaps if they would all get out of my way, stop interfering, and just let me do what I do they may just be surprised at what gets done.

I find it insulting and demeaning that he couldn’t discuss it with me - that he cut me out of the process. I don’t know if this is because he just needs to do things on his own or if it is because he simply does not like to be around me. In either case, I find it unacceptable.

I mean, I figure if the effort was truly sincere he could have come to me and said, “When are you going to be around so that we can lift the van and see what’s going on.”

Perhaps he was just being nice. But, I don’t think that’s it. I think there is something deeper that motivates such actions. And I don’t believe it to be healthy. (Of course, this is just my opinion.)

Nothing is as it seems

(Come on, folks. There was only one left.)

So often, as in the previous story, it seems folks just stand on the outskirts of my life and make assumptions, pass judgments, have opinions. Yet, there is not a one of them that has all the facts, knows the whole story. To completely honest, I don’t know the whole story. There’s only one being that does…and that’s the big guy himself.

But, I do know more of the intricicies of my life, my path, then anyone around me. I’m the one that sees all of the minute details and how they all play out together. Yet, all of these people gather around professing that they know the problem and, better yet, even the solution.

Recently, I received an email from just such a person. It was sent in response to some blog post or another. It seems her “gut” was giving her all of the answers for me, and though she admitted I wasn’t going to like it she shared them all with me.

The answer to my problems, she says, is that I need to get a “job job.” (I suppose that’s her way of saying a “real job.”)This is nothing new to me. That’s what everyone makes it about. It seems everyone has their very low opinion of my life and my work.

In the aforementioned fight between my father and I, he played down and spoke lowly of every job I have.

Mama recently told me that I wouldn’t know a day of work if it bit me in the ass.

Why, just the other day while calling on a store for an assignment, I had a store manager look right at me and say, “it must be nice to have a meaningless job.”

In fact, my friend has given me the exact same “insight” on at least one other occasion.

“It’s time to get a real job. Put all of your creative and spiritual pursuits to the side….”

Why is it that people assume that I do not pursue other work? That I do not submit applications? I admit, I do not do it daily or even weekly. I do the work that is before me and make the most of it and, when the time is right and I can, I look into other options.

Just before receiving this email from my friend I had already discerned that perhaps it was time to see if there were other options out there for me. I had decided to occasionally scan the classifieds and see if there was something out there that would better suit me, do right by me. And, there may be. There is something before me at the moment. I am not sure it is the right move for me. God has not completely sold me on the idea, but I will pursue it and investigate it and see. It would definitely be more money, but it would also take away some of the things I love most about my life – like time with my daughters. Quite frankly, I’m not so sure that is an even trade.

But it would also take away from all of the other things I so like about my life. Right now I control my life. (For the most part.) I set my schedule. It’s flexible. I can adapt it to my needs, all of my needs, on a weekly or sometimes daily basis.

Just yesterday, The Baker commented that she’s glad I’m “poor” and live the life I do because it allows me to come over and do work that she nor her husband can get to because of their own jobs. She’s not the only person I do this for and I do so enjoy it. Because, as I see it, it’s a win/win scenario. I get the variety I enjoy and make some money along the way and these folks get their work done at a much more affordable rate than if they hired a “professional.”

I feel blessed by that arrangement.

See, people approach me and my life from their “reality.” And, I find that most people’s reality is that they actually control their destinies. That they have what they have because the worked for it, earned it, pursued it.

My reality is very different than that. In my reality, I have what I have because it is handed to me. In my reality it doesn’t matter what I do or how hard I work (as the past several months have proven) I will forever only have what I have. Now, I can either continue to bust my ass to get nowhere or I can accept it for what it is and coast into my future.

In my reality, God calls the shots, pulls the strings. My current jobs are the prime example. Every piece of work I do has been put before me by God. Each job has come as the answer to a particular prayer. Two jobs in particular.

Currently, I am employed by two different companies doing somewhat similar work. Neither one is very steady and the pay isn’t particularly great, but they’re there. What no one knows about these jobs is how they came to me.

It was one night near the beginning of the year. Whether it was late December or early January I cannot recall. I was frustrated. I was dejected. I hadn’t had any kind of work in almost two months and with the HD shot on my laptop I had very little hope for getting any. Now, my mother had been letting me use her laptop for the purpose of email and applications, but my time on it was very limited and always monitored.

Finally, I just could take no more. I did the only thing I know to do in a case such as that. I laid on the family room couch and I prayed. I asked for guidance, for assistance.

“Please God, I need you to show me where to go, what to do. What is the job for me now?”

The very next day both of these jobs contacted me. Now, granted I had previously applied, but of all the application and resume submissions I had been making at the time, these were the only two to contact me and they both did it the day immediately following my prayer.

How can one deny that?

The work for The Baker comes just when it is needed.

Even my arrangement with Siggy manifested at a time when I was searching for something more. And my arrangement with Siggy blesses me with a whole lot more than just work and pay.

But there is another job I have. One that no one seems to recognize and that even I, from time to time, can forget or dismiss. It is a job with one of the greatest employers I have ever worked for. The pay is not always phenomenal but the benefits are magnificent and no matter what it always seems to provide just what I need at the precise time that I need it.

It is my work for God. The One True Spirit that is, was, and always shall be a part of everything, everyone, that exists.

Sometimes the terms of the job are difficult to handle or even process. Some may even say impossible. And yet they have proven themselves to me time and time again:

1. Ask & Ye Shall Receive

2. Have Faith

3. Everything happens for a Reason & All Things In Their Time

4. If you Do Not Have It, You Do Not Need it.

5. Live to Serve; Serve to Live

6. Be Gracious and Grateful In All That You Do

7. Anything Is Possible & Nothing Is As It Seems

And the list goes on, but I think you catch the gist of it.

It leaves me quandried sometimes. As in the case of this new perspective job. It very well could be the answer to my recent prayers. But there are other things that have been put before me that could be as well.

Or perhaps it is something more. Perhaps it has been put before me to challenge me, to make me see things differently. I have been so caught up in defending my life, my path, that I lost sight of how truly blessed I have been over the years. It is true. I am not wealthy. In fact, I am very, very poor. But…

“Store up your riches in heaven.”

I could pursue this job. Maybe get it. Perhaps accept it. And, I would be making more money than I have in a very long time – if not ever. But I would give up, sacrifice, so much of who I am and what makes me feel complete and whole. I never thought I would do anything “just for money.” For….

We cannot serve mammon and God at the same time.

So we shall see what tomorrow brings.

For now, and for always, from here in Geistopia, I am your beloved Rev wishing you Peace, Love, Light and Freakishness.