"It's Not A Mission Statement...It's A Memo..."

Actually, It really is kind of a mission statement...

Hey, Gang! Welcome to my life, where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I'm The Rev. Matt, and I'll be your host - coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

Welcome To My Life is a project, an experiment in Life and ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise is that life is experiential and that you can, and do, experience the life you choose. It is based on the use of The Wheel of Life and The ARTs for The New Millennium as life building tools.

Welcome To My Life is an ITV Studios/Geist...House production. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a "Shout-Out" to the following for their ongoing, and oft times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

C.T. Briggs

Bam-Bam

Berton

The Baker of the Cornbread

The VanMan (may he rest in peace)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Osteen, The Son

The Sitter

The White Rose

Punky Brewster

The Fallen Angel

Sir Thomas

JoJo Dancer

Mr. Nice Guy

Senior Swankypants

The 'Original' Mr. Baggins

The Socialite

Lil Buff'lo

The White Gurl

The Boyz from da Hood

The One Who Caught My Attention

Tash.Oh....my god

LisaLisa Monet

The Ziatonic Antagonist

Otto

Pasturizer

Piz

Dancing Queen

Mr. English

Mama Rabbit

and, of course, that very generous sponsor who never really was anonymous

It is...Sunday, September 18,  2011. Time...'Revived.'

S, here we are. The end of another week. And, what a week it has been (in case you hadn't noticed)  - the drama, the excitement, the intrigue. LMAO.

So, how bout a quick 'up-to-date' before we proceed too far:

• The van is operational once more. YAY! You never really know how much you appreciate something until it is not there.
• I can't really say that Mama and I are doing well, but we haven't really fought since the last one either. (I'm still waiting *wink, wink*)
• I am still the outcast of the household. Not that that is much of a surprise. I have been for a very long time. It's just a little more evident this past week. For example, I haven't been invited to the dinner table once since 'The Outburst.' (In fact, so far, it seems as though my dinner tonight will consist of Goldfish and a soda.)
• I did get answer to my question, "Do I start as a prick?"

I think that covers all of the important points. I'm sure we'll get into each of them in a lil more depth as we go along.

 

As you may have noticed, or not (since it hasn't really been working), that I have been experimenting with formatting on the blog. I must admit that I am very disappointed with blogger and it's formatting options. I am saddened. It is limiting. (I do so detest limitations.)

 

I have been trying to give it the feeling of the old Xanga days, but with little success. I enjoyed the fonts and formatting of that blog. Yet, I enjoy the accessability of this one.

 

**UPDATE** I spoke too soon. Mama found something to fight with me about. Today when we went to breakfast the girls found a girls club they would like to join, and though Nyssa is technically too young they said she could come along. The girls were very excited about it. Mama, of course, is less than thrilled. She has given me all sorts of excuses, and yet no reasons, as to why she doesn't like it. And, when she realized that I wasn't changing my view on things, she texted me, "I'm done arguing with you. Have a super night."

 

What I don't understand is that it is a community oriented organization with an emphasis on values, in particularly Christian values (which she claims she wants the girls to have.) So why deny them? The group meets twice a month - once on one of my Saturdays and once on a Wednesday. So, the most inconveniece to her would be switching a Tuesday and a Wednesday once a month. It doesn't even go outside of the 'allotted' time, but by 15 minutes. Instead of 7:30 they could be back to her by 7:45. I don't know if 'membership' costs anything, but even if it does I had no intentions of burdening Mama with it. So why deny the girls an experience that they want?

 

For me, the answer was simple. Of course it was yes. But then I have a bit more insight into the situation than she does. For me, and of course the girls, it was Synchronicity.

 

You see, on the way to breakfast, the girls and I had had a conversation about this very organization. And lo and behold, there they were. And, of all the times we have gone to breakfast at this place, of all the days we could have discussed this group...it all happened today. In fact, I just had a conversation with the Pillar earlier in the week about the possibility of the girls eventually joining this very organization.

 

How do you deny the timing of it all? But then, and this will lead us to Observation of the week:

 

It's All Just Perspective

 

Or, it's all just a matter of opinion. See, I have the perspective of having had the conversations and seeing it all laid out plainly before us. I don't know what her perspective is. I can't even begin to guess.

 

Well, that's not true. I can guess. And, I'd be right. I expected just such a reaction from her. However, I am not sure now is the time or here is the place to fully disclose it all. Let's just suffice it to say that in my opinion her perspective is a very limited, short-sighted and narrow minded one.

 

We can't change other people's realities. They are what they are. And they are such because of people's experiences - where they go, what they do, who they know, what they see and what they learn along the way.

 

And, I think we all fall into 'the trap.'

 

'The Trap' is believing that our perspective applies to another person. 'The Trap' is thinking that because our perspective works for ourselves it must work for someone else. I fall into 'The Trap' all the time.

 

It is here, I think I must address a common perspective about my life. Once again, it has come through my friend. I have mentioned this before (and here, too, we will get into a bit of the 'Mission Statement') because she has shared this perspective with me time and time again. And, though, I always appreciate the insight, I truly feel it is misguided.

 

I must point out, that of all of the people that read the blog entry (32, I believe), this friend is the only one that actually responded to the question, "Do I start as a prick?" I put this question out to the world because thus far there have been only to perspectives...mine and theirs. Mine is - Of course I don't. Theirs is - I most certainly do.

 

My friend's response was, "No." Of course, this really only applies to that particular situation, but I find it acceptable to apply it to all. I am fully willing to admit when I am a prick and when I am not and I am self-aware enugh to be able to tell the difference.

 

After her response to the question, she went on to give me her insight. Insight that she, and many others, have shared with me time and time again -

 

• Regular job
• Steady pay
• Support your children
• Etc, etc.

Here's what I don't understand. As I said, this has come to me from outsiders time and time again. And, my response to it rarely changes. Perhaps I am not stating it clearly enough.

All of that sounds really good on paper, but try as I might, it just doesn't seem to apply to my life. Why do folks assume I don't try to change my life? That I don't pursue "better, more stable employment"?

Is it because they don't see the change therefore it must be so?

But my perspective, having lived my life, is that it is what it is and when it is time for change it will change. I have no choice but to accept this. This is not a defeatist attitude but a realistic one. Realistic for my life, my experiences, my perspective. I could go on and on about the jobs I have applied for, or the ones I thought I had, and yet, at the end of the day it just was not to be.

1. Moving back in time to before Mama even left - I had accpeted a job at Brown Printing, through their temp agency. I had to bid on shifts. Bidding on a shift did not guarantee that you would get a shift. It wasn't ideal but at the time it was work. Only it wasn't work. Because for three weeks I bid on shifts and never got one. After that, I moved on.
2. I had gone through the whole process at LVH. I applied, interviewed, tested. When I contacted them to see what my status was I was informed that I would be"receiving a call about the job within a few days." Over a week passed and I called again only to be told that "the position has been filled."
3. In 2009, between February and April, I sent out 50 resumes/applications a week. Only to get no response from any of them.
4. When I tried to work two jobs after my short prison stint it didn't work out. I couldn't pull it off. Neither job could give me what they promised or alluded to when I first talked with them. And it was only by those promises that I could have pulled it off.
5. Last Sunday I scoured the want ads. There were only 5 jobs for which I could even think about applying. Of those 5 - 2 would not let me to complete the process online, which was the only way I could apply (One had website problems midway through the process and the other one gave me an 'undeliverable' email address); 2 I have not heard back from (and one of those was a janitorial position); and the last is still in the works, somewhere out there in Limbo. I am waiting on a return call to schedule an interview. And, even then, it is a matter of getting there (which will be at least two weeks), passing all the examinations, physicals and tests, and then...who knows?

And this is just a very, very short list.

If I attach myself to this same perspective that others hold - that this is what my life must be, what I must be doing at this stage of my existence - I become depressed, frustrated, dejected. I begin to not like myself very much.

But, if I accept things as they are, and believe in the Divine Promises, I am able to move onward, my head held high and feeling powerful. It is not the perfect or ideal life. But then, no one ever promised that did they?

There are many subtle indertones to my life that no one sees, nor will they, most likely. It is these things that remind me I am where I need to be doing what I need to be doing at this precise moment.

I found, both in my debate with Mama and in this message from my friend that there were references to 'the future.' I can not live in the future. The future is not definite. It is not set in stone. It is not guaranteed.

The only definite is right this moment. That is the only thing any of us can be certain of.

For Mama, the point was, "Don't you want the girls to have fulfilling lives?"

Of course I do. And, as far as I can tell, they have them. They are bright, intelligent, healthy, happy, well-rounded, loving, compassionate children. What more could a parent ask for?

They are exposed to all sorts of experiences with their mother - from church to gardening to making clay beads and baking and on an on.

They are exposed to just as much with me - guitar playing, world religions, woodworking, dance, etc, etc.

If they wish to do something, or experience it, it is granted to them. So where are they lacking? Right now, in this moment...what area of their lives is not fulfilling?

With my friend it was, "As they get older there will be more that they want to do - different activities. That will be more money. And there are two of them that will want to do it so that will be double the expense."

Very true. But that is then and this is now. When that time comes they will have what they need to do what they wish.

I know this because that is one of the Divine Promises.

And it is my opinion, based on personal experiences, that those Divine Promises are very real and very true.

Just Enough

This would be Theme of the Week. Actually, it has been a theme that has been quite noticable for the past several weeks.

We always have just enough. Sometimes we have more. But there is always just enough of what we need to do what we must do in the moment. I have seen this Divine Promise at work time and time again in my life, but over the past several weeks it has been blatantly obvious.

If I were going to give a specific example I would lean towards last Sunday.

Last Sunday night I looked at my very small money 'wad' and wondered, "How will I ever make it until Wednesday?" (Which was when I knew I would see more money.)

I awoke Monday morning to a text from Siggy asking if I could give him a few hours that day. That was just enough to get me to Wednesday, which was just enough to get me to Friday. And now, after I took out what I needed for the van repairs and such, I have just enough to get through till...well, I'm not sure.



But I am sure that it's...just enough.

I am just as sure that when I need more, it will come.

If there was anything in particular that I have taken from the events of the past week it would be

Love Yourself(No Matter What)

I mean, what's the point if you can't do that?

Despite anything that has been thrown in my face this past week, I feel good about who I am and what my life is. It's not perfect, nor am I, but at the end of the day I find it all very fulfilling and satisfying. And, when I don't, I do what I can to change that.

What more can we expect from our lives?

Mama and my family like to make me out to be a difficult prick. But, I do what I can to avoid projecting that very image back to them. (At least at first. *wink, wink.*)

People think my life is not comprised of much, but when I look around I see many amazing things.

What is not to love?

Sometimes I get lazy or slovenly or greedy or prideful.  Sometimes I see things in myself or my life that I do not like. But, I accept them for what they are and do what I can to change them and then all is well once more.

And that is my Mission Statement. I choose to move forward in my life holding onto and believing in the Divine Promises -

• That all my needs will be met
• That everything happens for a reason
• That my life is as God has planned and I am just as God has made me
• That nothing is truly as it seems
• That love does conquer all
• That when we ask, sooner or later, we do receive

And so, my friends, for now and for always from here in Geistopia, I am your beloved Rev, wishing you Peace, Love, Light and Freakishness.