Standing at the Crossroads

Saturday, June 23, 2012 1946 Dusk New Moon(feel like we've been in it forever.) Still battling the occasional headache - left side temple (still convinced it stems from dental problems.) Overall contentedness So, I am sitting at The Works in Reading and thought I would try to steal another moment to journal as the girls play. It has been a most wonderful vacation. Sadly, tomorrow it comes to an end. Whenever we have time like this - time to focus on each other as opposed to 47 hr weekends that fly by way to fast, or 3 hr Tuesday night dinners that seem almost non-existent - it makes me 'wish' for more. I would love to have good solid time with the girls each and every week to play with them and teach them and help them grow into the beautiful young ladies that I know they will be. But, for now, such is not the case. But, always better to focus on the 'haves' instead of the 'have-nots'. Isn't that how the riddle and rhyme went a week or so ago? "it's not what you lack, but all that you've got" I suppose somehow, some way, that should apply to this Quest. From where I sit now - only 1 week left until departing - there sure seems to be a lot of lack and. Of so much 'got'. Things most certainly haven't played out, thus far, the way I would have thought or even the way I tried to plan. Things I wanted done, like work on the van or Aquiring this or that, have gone by the wayside. And money...well...that's a joke - for now. As it stands, if I manage to make it through this week, I will leave next Sunday with little more than just a tank of gas, and if I'm lucky I will have managed to pay next months car insurance. Lol. I do not know if I will have any food to take with me, or of I will have any money to buy some after I leave. And, even if I do, as things stand now, that only means that I neglected some other payment or responsibility to make that happen. Of course, that's how things stand now and the trip is 'then'. Who knows what can happen between 'Now' and 'Then'. As the old Observation goes, "6 minutes is a long time...and anything can happen in 6 minutes." and, a week is merely 1680 '6 minutes'. Imagine what can happen with all those '6 minutes.' The 'reality' of the situation set in yesterday when my pay was deposited and was not nearly what I expected it to be. There were many reasons/factors involved. Some were my own doing, some were not. Some may be correctable, some will never be. At first, I thought of all that I had to accomplish with the pittance I had received. I wallowed in the impossibility of it all. (even now I wonder.) I contemplated putting it off or canceling it altogether. But then I wondered just what purpose that would serve. What would that accomplish? What point would there be in that? None. Nothing. None. I believe it was the Observation just a week or two ago, "It is not an act of Faith if there is no doubt to face." And, as we have been reminded so often over the past several years - The Lesson of the Journey is Faith. So, I suppose, I have. Even given plenty of doubt to face. As I said, I thought very seriously about calling the whole thing off... (You say tomato, I say tomahto) I mean, it sure do seem the most practical and sensie thing to do. But, it would also be the 'easy' thing to do. And, when has life been easy? Besides, I think that can be one of our greatest flaws as human beings on a spiritual journey (or any journey for that matter.) If its not guaranteed, if we can't walk comfortably through it, if it doesn't play out as we think it should we pack it in, quit, or never even begin. How does that ever get anything done? How do we ever learn or grow or evolve? It is what it is...and we never truly know what it is. We never truly know because at any given moment there are infinite factors, forces and figurings taking place - all which will, someday, influence or be Influenced by our lives. Perhaps there is a monsoon taking place on the othe side of the globe that will destroy companies and lead to unemployment...or on a brighter note, increase the workload of current jobs, adding to employment and income. Perhaps at the very moment you lose your job there is someone beginning to fill a new position. In a week or a month as you stand on line for this or that paths will cross, conversations begin and lives change. I've seen it happen 1000 times. We never really know 'what it is' until it is done. Did Moses quit after a year or two of wandering seemingly in circles or did he push on, following his Lord faithfully, and in the end triumphantly? Did Noah scoff at the seemingly impossible and brush it off or did he work tiredlessly until he had completed the task. And what I love about these two is every step of the way their instructions were so pointed and specific. Has anyone ever really taken a look at the instructions for the Ark, or the first temple? So detailed. So specific. And more meaningful than one may notice at first glance. Even Job pushed on in Faith and Love. (Even when he didn't) How often do we follow what our Spirit tells us? Or do we dismiss it, ignore it, rationalize it away? I've been that person. I've received instructions that I did not follow because I could see something more practical, reasonable, or rational before me. I've dismissed things because they were not easy and what I know was...well...easier, safer, more comfortable. And, each and every time I have (sort of) gotten not in the ass for it. Bit fear not - when we give the Universe spoiled lemons, it can still make wonderfully delicious lemonade. So, there is a week left - that has yet to really begin. And, anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. All I can do is take it one day, one moment at a time, and see what happens. Take what I do have and make the absolute most I can of it in those moments. All I can do is believe.