I Told You So

 

July 12, 2011

Hey Gang! What’s goin on?

First, let me give you a little update on Kennebunkport, ME. Apparently, an issue has arisen concerning insurance. I’m going to work under the assumption at the moment that it is General Liability insurance that we are concerned with. It would seem that only members of the church (you see it’s a church group that organized the work camp…or at least this portion of it) only members of the church are covered by the insurance. In other words, they don’t want someone coming and working who would not be covered by their insurance. Now, Siggy is going to investigate it all today and see if maybe there’s a way he can get me covered by his liability insurance or if there is a waiver that can be signed. He made a very interesting statement to me about it all, and he may have even said it to them, “You organized a mission. You have missionaries that want to go…why should only members of the church be covered.” Well….because it’s a church. What more can I say. It is an organized body, and they always come up with the dumbest rules to cover their asses.  (Not just churches.) Nonetheless, at this point, as I told Siggy last night, even if they don’t let me work I may still go. I need it. I want it. And, it may be where I need to live.

What?

Who?

Huh?

Oh yeah, we didn’t get there yet. According to my sister, the papers are being filed and the police will arrive here in 30 days to escort me off the property. Which ultimately means never coming back – not to pick stuff up, not to visit, not to see my daughters.

Why is this happening you may ask…because, as I called two weeks ago, the fight happened! Oh my and did it ever. And, it got bad. We yelled and screamed and bumped chests and poked chests (well, that was mostly me).

In true Geistopian fashion the fight escalated from whatever it was that started it to…well…everything else. I was told again, somehow, that I don’t work and I don’t have jobs. (I’m really getting tired of this. It’s an old argument.) I was told how he’ll never “help me financially again.” (We’ll get into that in a moment.) I was even old that I had no business going up and starting trouble with Dave. (Jessi’s whatever he is.) I was even given crap about the electric bill. It seems the high electric bill is entirely my fault. And it is my fault because the other day I had the shades drawn and the light on. We fought about everything under the sun.

The job thing really interests me. I think, based on what I heard him say last night, my father’s problem is not that I “don’t work,” but that I don’t work the jobs he did. Because those are the types of things he would say.

“You need to work.”

“What are you talking about? I do work.”

“Not manual labor. When’s the last time you had to bust your ass other than working for Dale.”

See, that’s what it is. That and “benefits.” In regards to the benefits (“You need a job with benefits.”) I can’t tell you the last time I had a job that offered benefits. Well, that’s not true, I actually can. In fact, I can get health insurance through the one company I’m apparently not working for.  (Which actually may be a truer statement by the end of the week than I care to think about.) But, I have to pay for them and I’m not sure that’s something my budget can handle at this time. It was the same at Brew Works. They offered benefits but for me and the family (obviously this was years ago) it would have been over $700. That was almost half my month’s salary. I couldn’t pay that.

As for the rest, well it wasn’t good enough to say that I don’t work. Then he had to take the work that I do and diminish it.

“You drive around all week to make $10. Oooh.” (And yes, he did the “oooh.”) Now it’s not quite that bad, but yes, I drive around all week long. Not for $10 though. In fact, that’s part of my stress factor. Filling up my days to get the most work done that I can and still drive as little as possible throughout the week. I plan that shit out every week. Sometimes I re-plan it every day. (The rest of this week will be that.)

Then I learned that there is nothing tiring or straining about doing my video work. I run between three cameras for four hours, usually in the heat. Nope, it’s not digging trenches and layin’ pipes, but I’m worn at the end of the day. Sometimes I think the only reason I don’t feel more worn is because I love doing it so much. Although, according to my father all I have to do is “look through the little thing.” Or even all of this stuff I do for Crossmark and Advantage. I am in and out of my vehicle and stores all day long. Literally, once I leave here, I very rarely stop until I get back. Again it’s not overly demanding physical labor but I am up and down and twisting and bending and kneeling and stretching and building and moving cases and so on and so on and so on. All day long. And again, when I get home I am worn. Though I think sometimes that’s more the mental side of things. Because, I’m always keeping track of my time and my schedule, adjusting as necessary.

Once again I was told that I am no kind of a Minister. (and the timing of this is just too…coincidental? Ironic?) Granted in a moment like what was transpiring here last night, one would never imagine that I am a man of Spirit. I’m a fucking maniac if you get me pissed off. It’s why I try not to get pissed off. It is the jaguar in me. Once I get fired up, feeling cornered, I am relentless and I am a mean SOB. Do I think this is right, or good? No. It is one of my struggles. I struggle with it, pray about it, seek guidance on it every day of every week. But in every other aspect, I feel that I do live as a Minister. I commune with God daily. I seek guidance and counsel and lessons. I look, and find, the hand of Divinity in everything.

Now the bigger argument is how I got my ministry. I was visiting a healer/teacher in Reading (way, way back in 1999) and he suggested that I get ordained. (Mostly for business/tax purposes.) We took care of it on the spot. Yup, that was it. Instant Ordination. No seminary. No churches. No validity?

Who can really say? I mean, no…I have no “formal” education in the matter. Yet, legally, it’s all good. (It all looks good on paper.) I can, and have, perform legal wedding ceremonies (which is really a joke of a statement if you think about it) in Pennsylvania. Also legal in almost every state. I have a damn good wedding ceremony put together. (Except for those vows….grrrr…) People like it. I have been passed on to friends. It’s a good ceremony and it says a lot about the union between two souls. I have performed funerals. In fact, it was at my first one that one of my father’s friends told me that I had “found my calling.”  I have had people seek me out for counseling – spiritual, marital and otherwise. I do my best to bless others (speaking of which I have a guy who asks me to bless him every time I see him.) I like to inspire others and I think I am fairly good at it.

But even without all of that, isn’t it true that, by divine definition, we are all ministers of Spirit?

But I digress… (big surprise)

So the fight ills on and its bad. And yes, I do have it on video…I think. You can see me in rare form.

Which was another sore point. My Welcome to my Life. They really hate this project and these videos. They know absolutely nothing about either, and none of them (to my knowledge) has actually watched a video. And, constantly, this is something that is thrown up at me. It was used last night. Apparently I have no time right now because I do nothing but sit and watch videos of myself. Which interestingly enough, I haven’t done any video since Father’s Day and that was only because of inspiration. And, in fact, there are still two videos from Father’s Day that haven’t been finished. Why? Why am I so far behind in editing WTML? Because I don’t have time!!!!  Before father’s day there was that one special presentation – again inspiration. There were things that needed to be caught in the moment. But before that the last was the Trilogy.

Grrrr.

(more later….)