Goodnight
Monday, July 29, 2013; 2215
So, what did today hold?
A whole lot of the same as the past few weeks - nothing. Or, is that just how it seems?
"Healing takes time."
That was the message of a meditation period today. It was more of a shut down period really. Something along the lines of 2 hours, which is really unusual for me. It came on rather quickly and I went out heavy. In fact, I'm not certain that I ever really came back. I've been feeling really off all day.
In true fashion of the past several weeks, I awoke with a list of things to do and I accomplished Just Enough of it to feel at least somewhat accomplished. My head is foggy and my motivation low. Depression and frustration may be. Fair enough analysis, but I think it is something more than that.
Perhaps it is the result of a culmination of wishes.
That's a nice positive twist, but, personally, I'm still leaning towards a touch of depression.
I think the greatest source of my frustration these days is my over-abundant hopefulness. My ever childlike faith. I'm not sure those are the right words but they will do for now. An example of this would be what I was writing yesterday. My finances are grimmer than they have been in a very long time. Today I was able to buy the can of coffee and tube of toothpaste that I needed. I was able, thanks to a small collection of change, to buy the cup of coffee that I wanted. My breakfast and my dinner were compliments of my mother. I calculated that I will have Just Enough to cover my 2 bills and put Just Enough gas in the van to move me around for the rest of the week. Just Enough and I still found myself being grateful and satisfied. Everything Happens For A Reason and All Things In Good Time.
It all sounds good. It's nice motivational speaking, but having to constantly live it under worsening circumstances becomes tiring and somewhat simpleminded.
Well, speaking of tired, I think it is time to rest.
So, what did today hold?
A whole lot of the same as the past few weeks - nothing. Or, is that just how it seems?
"Healing takes time."
That was the message of a meditation period today. It was more of a shut down period really. Something along the lines of 2 hours, which is really unusual for me. It came on rather quickly and I went out heavy. In fact, I'm not certain that I ever really came back. I've been feeling really off all day.
In true fashion of the past several weeks, I awoke with a list of things to do and I accomplished Just Enough of it to feel at least somewhat accomplished. My head is foggy and my motivation low. Depression and frustration may be. Fair enough analysis, but I think it is something more than that.
Perhaps it is the result of a culmination of wishes.
That's a nice positive twist, but, personally, I'm still leaning towards a touch of depression.
I think the greatest source of my frustration these days is my over-abundant hopefulness. My ever childlike faith. I'm not sure those are the right words but they will do for now. An example of this would be what I was writing yesterday. My finances are grimmer than they have been in a very long time. Today I was able to buy the can of coffee and tube of toothpaste that I needed. I was able, thanks to a small collection of change, to buy the cup of coffee that I wanted. My breakfast and my dinner were compliments of my mother. I calculated that I will have Just Enough to cover my 2 bills and put Just Enough gas in the van to move me around for the rest of the week. Just Enough and I still found myself being grateful and satisfied. Everything Happens For A Reason and All Things In Good Time.
It all sounds good. It's nice motivational speaking, but having to constantly live it under worsening circumstances becomes tiring and somewhat simpleminded.
Well, speaking of tired, I think it is time to rest.
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