A Brief Rant

 

Wednesday, June 19, 2013; 0937

The Princesses are stealing away some play time before we go do some chores, so I thought I would steal away some writing time. My prolem is where to begin and what to write about.

Vacation, so far, has been a most wonderful experience. The girls and I have been having a great time. We haven’t done a great deal of stuff – a little bit here and a little bit there – but we have been having fun no matter what.

On Saturday we did our yard sale. It was a good step in the direction of purging and clearing out. We definitely moved some trash and put together a pile for Goodwill. I have everything else organized and over the course of the next few weeks I will figure out how it moves from here. Some of it will be sold on a community yard sale (I hope.) More of it will end up donated or, in the case of the girls’ old clothing, will find its way to a consignment shop. And, I am sure, a great deal of it will still find its way to the trash pile.

Sunday, we did breakfast at the lodge and then went to the Allentown Art Museum for a while. The girls seem to really enjoy, not only, the kids area and crafts, but also the art itself. And, all of the art. They each have a different fascination and I really enjoy taking them and experiencing it with them. Some days I wish my financial situation were different so we could do more of that kind of stuff. There are so many great museums and cultural things in the area and if I could I would probably get a membership to each one.

I can’t remember Monday. We basically hung out at the house most of the morning. Then we took advantage of an opportunity to steal some time at Wildwater Kingdom. This was short lived. We got very rained on and that kind of put daddy out of the mood for walking around. I know…we were wet anyway.

Yesterday, I had a Reiki client in the afternoon and then last night we went for Strawberries and ice cream. Then we came home and Cuddlebug and I had a long conversation on the front porch. This was part of the Reiki session that she had gotten earlier in the evening.

The rest of the week, I imagine, is going to fly by quickly. We have some work to do today and then later on some Dorney Park with friends and maybe even a bit of Wildwater before that.

Tomorrow we are planning some Dorney/Wildwater time and then a trip to the Lehigh Valley Zoo in the evening.

Friday is a blur at this point and Saturday we are hosting a small Midsummer gathering for our friends. (A magickal time to e had by all.)

Vacation is always an interesting time for me. It is a different experience of parenting and fathering. We have more time together so we have more time to interact and share and grow together. I am always amazed at who my daughters are and the things that they think about and can do.

Cuddlebug, as she gets older, is getting more and more into the metaphysical arts, in particularly Reiki. Sunshine, of course, follows in her footsteps (because that is what younger siblings do.)

They have such wonderful and individual personalities.

The experience also tends to be a good introspective for me. When all said is done I am a damn good father. I don’t care what my family has to say on the matter or what Mama thinks. I am a damn good father – far from perfect – but I do good. We relate well with each other. We communicate well. We have our moments when we fight or disagree but it passes and we’re back to a ‘Leave it to Beaver’/’Father Knows Best’ kind of life.

Along the way this week there have been some bumps in the road. None that have to do with the girls directly but bumps of my life nonetheless.

Their mother and I are at it as usual. Well…to be truthful in that…I am at their mother. She repeatedly makes the same mistakes and commits the same offenses. It doesn’t seem to matter how I have addressed them, she continues on as if nothing has been said. Then, I explode and suddenly I’m the ‘asshole.’ Which is actually fine by me.

I’m learning to embrace my inner asshole again anyway.

A good example is – we have this problem with communication. I can ask her a question and then not get a response for up to three days, sometimes longer. I generally find this unacceptable. Especially if it is a simple question with a simple response or has a response that she already has but just stubbornly refuses to give.

My first approach to this is to touch base with her once every 24 hours to ask the same question and wait for a response. Now some may find this annoying but she also knows that is how I handle it. I think 24 hours is a sufficient amount of time to text a yes or a no or some sort of brief acknowledgement. I’m not even always looking for an answer, just to know that she got the text and is thinking about it or working on it.

We met 2 months ago. We left something on the table that she was supposed to think about and get back to me on. I thought we had agreed that 2 weeks was enough time. 2 months later I still hadn’t heard anything. I had to bring it up several days in a row before I got a response or acknowledgement from her. And then, only because I said something that pissed her off first.

That seems to be the general approach. I can ask, I can plead, I can even be nice but I don’t get any kind of a response from her until I say something to piss her off. Then she answers and also tells me how much of an asshole I am.

Observation of the Week – If you find yourself to be a victim you are merely a victim of yourself.

The issue that was left on the table was one of great importance to all of us. The girls are always telling me how they would like more time with me. They have also had talks with her about it being nice if they had another weekend with her. Now, I don’t know if they brought that up or if she did because that is something she tends to make an issue of quite often – She doesn’t have enough weekend time with them, they don’t have enough time for the girls to see her family and (wait for it) she doesn’t get as much ‘quality time’ with them as I do.

This last one is completely laughable to me. I have our daughters for a total of 50 hours a week [for 3 weeks of the month] and then 3 hours in the other week or two. This is 47 hours total on the weekend [not even 2 FULL days] and then 3 hours every Tuesday for dinner. So, I’m really not sure how she figures that.

Nonetheless, it has come up quite often and she has used it as her reasoning for not allowing any ‘extra’ time for me on occasion.

So, I came up with a possible solution – What if we rotate weekends, every other, except when they come here they stay Friday through Tuesday. This gives them the extra weekend time with her and allows them 2 extra days a month with me. It would also eliminate one dinner night every other week which gives her that time with them.

So 2 months later I still hadn’t heard anything. I asked. Nothing. I asked again. Nothing. Not until I said something in regards to another matter – which happened to piss her off – did I get a response.

The response was [almost] simply ‘No.’ There was quite a bit more to it – none of it nice or polite. I asked her what the problem was with it and if she had an alternative solution. After all, she has made as much of an issue out of the matter as anyone else. She’s even gone as far as to the girls that she doesn’t have as much ‘quality time’ with them as I do.

No response. I asked again the next day. Nothing. The next day I told her I was going to ask one last time what the problem was with my proposal and if she had an alternative solution. A solution to an issue that each of us, including and especially she, has addressed and expressed discontent with. I also explained that she didn’t have to respond but that if she didn’t or couldn’t then I didn’t want to hear anymore about it. No more whining and crying about not having enough ‘quality time’ or enough weekend time or enough chance to see the family. No more. And, I don’t want it said to the children anymore – which is inappropriate in the first place. My reasoning, which I shared with her, was quite simple. She had her chance. She was given the opportunity to address it and find resolution, but she chose not to. At that point, you lose all ‘whining rights.’ I also told her that if I do find out she’s been crying to the kids about it that I would be knocking on her door to address it.

Never did hear anything from her.

Then, of course, there is the difference in ‘Spiritual Opinion.’ This wouldn’t be so much of an issue for me if she would just handle herself appropriately. For instance, she told my daughters that I don’t praise God.

Can you imagine? Me? I don’t praise God. What sort of nonsense is that. I told FaeriePrincess this and the response was, “Does she know you?”

No. No she doesn’t. 4 1/2 years together and she knows absolutely nothing about me.

Now she feels this way because my vision of God and how it all works is different than hers. Yet, she doesn’t seem to understand that we are using the same book and the same culture for our differing beliefs. Experience and learning play a part in our differing interpretations of things.

I do not have a problem with any of this. I don’t care that we believe differently. I don’t care if she wants to believe that there is something wrong with what I believe. I do, however, care that she constantly barrages our children with these notions.

I do not like that she is constantly trying to convince them that somehow I or any part of my life is against God or that they are wrong (and can’t go to Heaven) if they do as I do. I realize that somehow she thinks she is looking out for the children or is protecting them in some way. But she doesn’t seem to understand the damaging and detrimental impact of such behavior.

So, I tell her and she doesn’t like it…

Well, anyway, I have spent much time on this already and though I could continue on quite a bit the Princesses and I have work to get to so that we can play later.