January 18th

 

Saturday, January 18, 2014 (8 day…double hmmm.)

2101 (4th Dark Hour)

Sigh.

So this becomes the last “official” part of my day. There are certain things that I am really trying to do each and every day. Certain things to which I really wish to devote my time. To devote it in such a way that everything else fades away…if only for that moment.

Journaling is one of those things. I do not wish this to ever be a hurried process. There is importance in these moments – a discovery of self.

My regiment is one of these things as well; However, it is divided into segments – 4 Devotions and 3 Exercises in 1. Each time with these moments a little bit more is revealed. There is a bit more understanding to both the moment and its place in the “grander scheme.”

This is a place I was, spiritually and personally, a very, very long time ago. It’s where it all begins – learning these exercises and then…I don’t know. I just don’t have the right words for it. I recall, once, someone say, “Once you begin the Daily Devotions everything changes.”

Perhaps that is not a direct quote, but an accurate one nonetheless.

They teach us a new relationship with Spirit and a different attitude towards life. The Devotions are nothing more than a reminder to stop, breath, give thanks and be graceful. They reinforce that God is in every moment of our lives and every part of our day.

Beyond that, and on a more personal level, I have found that they can teach us discipline. They can give us a clearer understanding of structure and how and when to apply energies and attitudes accordingly. They can guide us through the power of cycles. They can be truly empowering…and they can always make you face yourself.

(Smiles.) My, how I have missed them.

………….

You know, I often wonder if when I used to write out a journal if I paused and pondered so much. I have tried many times to return to the hand-written journal, but, so far, it has been to no avail.

Anyway, tonight is a strange night for me. It is both a blessing and a curse -  The Dark and the Light in that one fragment of space and time where they are one.

It is my weekend with the Princesses.

(Deep sigh.)

Yet, they are not here. My little girls are growing up. This is the dawning of the time I have long dreaded. The Princesses are at their first combined, and in another house, sleepover.

I am thrilled to death for them. I do worry about them some…and perhaps sometimes I sell them a bit short. But, those were revelations for another time. I love that they are being social and living a life all their own. But, this is merely the beginning and over the next several years it will increase and worsen.

There will be more sleepovers and dances and school activities and more friends and going away and doing things. And, in the blink of an eye “daddy time” is nothing more than a faint light in the distance, a wisp on the willows.

I am excited for that day. I am excited for them, for they will be grown and learning and experiencing and doing…and becoming. But, oh, how I will miss them.

Much like I miss them now. (Bringing the dualistic nature of existence to a more mundane level. LOL.)

This moment itself is both a blessing and a curse. For, I do miss them. Yet, without them I have opportunity. Opportunity to be and do as I could not normally. Such as this writing. I think if they were here it is more than likely it would not have gotten done. Nor my exercises the way they deserve. Neither would I have the ability to focus on something like the laundry…and still be able to actually do something else.

So, with that, I shall take my leave and sally forth into this nigh’ and see what kind of mistress she be.

(Celtic Tarot)